Letting off Steam.

Me, me, me.

2008-01-11T11:40:00.001-08:00

Well, I'm the sort of guy who is always self-involved, or, at least, with that tendency. I don't like this aspect of my personality. My weakness in the past has been my unwillingness to take risks. I always tended to play it safe. And, so last month or so, I took a risk and went to the dentist and asked the dentist to crown two of my front teeth. And, frankly, in my opinion, he didn't do a very good job. (*)

You know, I came to China, just coming to China, has been liberating for me. I'm in this foreign country. That, in itself, is interesting. When I first came here, I had big problems. The first and foremost problem I had was a sore left-ankle.

I don't want you to think I only post negative stories here on my blog. Actually, I have a lot of positive stuff to report on too. First and foremost, I have solved the sore ankle problem, thanks to the special orthotic insoles this brilliant Israeli orthopaedic specialist had designed for me. Great. Believe you me, this improvement alone has enhanced my life greatly.

I'm fitter now than before. Keeping up a exercise regime of going to the gym on a fairly regular basis, although, recently, because of the stress of finishing examining my students for their end-of-term oral English exams at my college, I have neglected exercise. But, hey, here's a picture of Fatso me about 16 months ago.

FATSO ME

Okay, here's a picture of my present fucking teeth. I don't like them. I had two of the front teeth whitened.

See the front tooth on the left. Now, the dentist took a lot of the right bottom side of that tooth off (WITHOUT MY PERMISSION). I'm furious with him about that. When, I brought this up with him. He says to me, something like, people don't usually look at the front teeth. Oh, I see. So, I go to the dentist to have two of my front teeth crowned and, guess what, I'm wasting my time. I'm one dissatisfied customer.

I don't mean to be. I was genuinely hoping that, you know, I would be a mighty satisfied customer (**) but I have no reason to. Every time I look at these fucking teeth, I feel a pang of pain. Ouch. Yeah, the dentist was Chinese. The dental practice is located in Beijing. I won't identify it. And, his English wasn't too fucking good. Well, fuck this, if only I had the wisdom of hindsight. Perhaps, I could have told the guy, you know, don't fucking touch the other tooth. It was straight, straight, straight before (at the bottom edge). In fact, in terms of shape, it was a perfect tooth. It was also a nice yellowish white colour, nice, nice, nice. I have photos below to show you what I mean here.

Here's a photo of my set of teeth BEFORE the fucking dentist got to work..

Okay, you see the difference. Okay, you see the two front teeth that are discoloured. They're dead. The inside pulp were taken out years and years ago and over the course of years, the colour of the enamel changed to grey. I had some bleaching both inside and outside the teeth done to lighten it up with some limited success. So, recently, in China, I decided to get crowns put in to finally, once and for all, end the problem. And, crowns are also cheaper here in China. Like each tooth, 3600 RMB. I had to have two done, so that's 7200 RMB. In my country, Ireland, I think we're talking about 8000 RMB (about 800 euros) for each crown. What a rip-off!! But, at least in China, the rip-off isn't as large. But, now, I can see the fucking trade-off.

The dentist (or doctor as they're called in China), decided to take off with his drill some of the good tooth. Look at the good front tooth above. It was a perfect shape!!. It's the right colour. It's alive. It's a movie star tooth. The other front tooth, albeit discoloured, wasn't too bad either. Admittedly, a little out of shape. But, given that the tooth has been dead for years and years, perhaps, that is understandable. But, anyway, the dentist then, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, drills away at that and now, as an end result, as an end result of my paying 7200 RMB of my fucking money, my teeth, in terms of shape, are worse than before. And, the colour matching isn't perfect either. I mean the new teeth are B1 colour (to use the terminology he was using), to use the dentist's language, making them whiter than the surrounding teeth. But, I told the dentist, that, you know, okay, if they're whiter than the surrounding teeth, it's okay, I can brush the other teeth more with whitening toothpaste and perhaps, they'll match up more perfectly in colour and brightness in the future. So, I still don't think that's too big a problem.

Anyway, I'm thinking about going back to this dental practice and asking for my money back. You know, I was pretty confident the dentist would do an okay job.(***) But, he fucked up. First of all, the first crowns he fitted were too fucking grey. So, I had him destroy them and make a new pair. And, then, after the second pair had been fitted, I discovered to my horror, the next day, my handsomely *shaped* front teeth were not fucking handsome anymore. And, in its place, I had a what I can only describe as a teeth cleft. Jesus. What a fucking humiliation. I remind me of Bugs Bunny.

So much for the George Clooney Handsome Man I wanted to be before and with those fine teeth I had before, I could come close to that. The ruggedly handsome teeth I had before are no more, now, replaced with bugs bunny teeth. Cartoonish, freakish.

Oh, I can write a long long story about this fucking dentist. How he doesn't fucking answer my questions. How I asked him to show me the fucking photo he took of my front teeth before he stripped away the enamel of the two grey teeth and how he ignored my request.(****) It's good to be Chinese and you only speak English as a second language. Then, you have an excuse to do whatever you fucking well please. In his case, play God with my teeth. (*****) I didn't give him my permission to drill away at the alive front tooth, the perfectly shaped front tooth. My question is: Why? Why the fuck did he do it? (******)You know this has been very upsetting for me. And, it kinda has taken me by surprise. [sighs]. Should I come to terms with it? Or should I go back to that dental practice and, at least, ask for my money back?

Indeed, last week, I went back to see this dentist again and I asked him to crown BOTH of the front teeth again to make the bottom edge flat. I told him, you know, this is the shape of normally shaped teeth. Indeed, I told him, I have been doing oral interviews of my English language students and I see that for the great to vast majority of them, the bottom of their front teeth are straight straight straight, not comic round like mine. Here's an example of such perfect teeth below.

Here's another fucking photo of my disastrous molars...(********)

You know what I'm thinking.. I'm thinking the dentist fucked up and decided to cover it up. Hence, he wouldn't show me the photo he had taken of my front teeth before he started to do the crown work. I'm thinking he may have accidentally chipped a chunk off the good front tooth (whilst drilling off the enamel from the other tooth during the inital stripping off phase of crowning) and so decided to take off more and more to make it round and round so that apparently I wouldn't be able to see. And, initially, he had success because it wasn't until the day after I had the new crowns fitted (I mean the second pair of crowns - the first pair were too grey) only then viewing some old photos of my teeth on my computer (I knew there was something amiss and unfamiliar about my new front teeth but couldn't quite place what it was), only after viewing the old photos that I realised what the dentist had done WITHOUT MY PERMISSION on the good living tooth with the previous perfect shape and I mean PERFECT SHAPE. It was a normal fucking tooth was what it was. And, the dentist did away with that. Why? I have no idea. Never asked him that. I know he drilled away at it because I can feel away at the bottom edge of the tooth and it's rough. Whereas, the bottom edge of that tooth (about 60% of it, that he didn't touch with his damn drill is still smooth, smooth as it should be like a baby's bottom). Anyway, I went back to the dentist last week and he offered to add, what did he call it, composite. But, he warned that you know I shouldn't eat hard things like carrots. So, what's the fucking point in having teeth when I can't eat anything hard which might damage the composite. And, from what I have read about composites, the dentist will have to roughen up the tooth first before applying the composite. So, I'm thinking the dentist will wind up doing more damage to my original teeth. Especially this dentist whom I have now lost all confidence in that he will do a good job on my teeth which is not going to leave me disappointed and upset.

I suppose the front teeth are okay. But, hey, I want perfect front teeth. And,for 7,600 RMB, isn't that not too much to ask for? So, anyway, I said to the dentist last week, hey, do the front teeth again, I mean crown both again including the living tooth. The dentist advised against this. He said that it's a living tooth. I'd need an injection for the pain. He said that the gum was already well receded at the top and that I'll probably need root channel treatment. He said, in that event, I'd need a post put in. He said that my gum above the tooth will receded by 1mm, (in the event of root channel treatment) which, considering that a front tooth is 10 mm long, is a significant recession. He said that I would feel discomfort (for the rest of my life I presume) because the new tooth which will be prepared will be thicker and straighter than the old living one and will push up against my inner lip. He even mentioned the possibility of pain if memory serves. He was trying his best to deter me from doing that. But, I do recall that he was willing to do it for me FREE OF CHARGE if I insisted, which appears to me to be an admission that, yes, indeed, he accepts he drilled and reshaped my other front tooth without my permission.

This is all very complicated. I don't mean to make it so. [sighs]. The first crowns were too grey, as I told you. So, I got a second pair of crowns put in. During the week in the run up to the fitting of the second crowns (they take a week to prepare apparently), BOTH my front teeth fell out. Each on different days. Kinda upsetting. I was in a restaurant when the first front tooth fell out.I had been eating a hard cookie, which didn't help obviously, with the wisdom of hindsight. Yeah, it was a front tooth. I rushed over to the dentist in Beijing. The dentist put a post in and fitted the temporary crown back in again. And, then, during work, two days later, the other fucking temporary crown fell out and again, I had to go to the dentist immediately, this time, cancelling my fucking college class to go. What a pain in the fucking ass. My dentist wasn't in the dental practice that day. It was his day off. Some other guy dentist just glued the temporary fucking crown on and that night, as soon as I ate something, just something soft at McDonalds, it came loose again, necessitating another day off work and another trip to the dentist the following morning. So, yeah, all of this was fucking traumatic for me.

Anyway, I am not a happy customer. I'm just so so frustrated about this.

But, hey, let's move onto something optimistic again. It's nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. I've been writing this for over an hour. I'm entitled to go to bed soon. I've written about my/the resolution of the left ankle problem. THIS IS PROGRESS. Another example of progress, I've written about before. My ability these days to consciously orgasm. THAT IS HUGE PROGRESS. I can masturbate and jerk off once or twice a day. Twice yesterday. Nice. Something to look forward to. And, when you consider that before I came to China, I was, without a shadow of a doubt, suffering from mild depression, as well as living my play-it-very-safe lifestyle and consequently leading a do-nothing-at-all lifestyle and a so-so-boring lifestyle, this is mighty big progress. I'm enjoying life so much more now, perfect teeth or no perfect teeth. I'll soldier on.

Paul Carr

(*) That's a fucking understatement. He did a fucking shit job.

(**) Let me tell you something. I was even going to place a photo of my front teeth (before I discovered the fiasco) on my msn picture window with the caption. "Teeth Worth Defending". Well, that's not my plan now. That plan has gone out the door. [shakes head].

(***) I placed my trust in this dentist and, frankly, I fear the worst. I fear he abused my trust. Hence, the possibility, that he was dishonest with me, failing to tell me he chipped away at my good tooth by accident, then having fucking teeth crowns placed in he knew were too fucking dark, so that it would distract my attention from the damage he did to the fucking shape of my teeth.. He could do the teeth again and later, like he did actually, he will complain that, hey, I told him to make the teeth round. I did this by-the-way but I said for the one crowned front tooth only which was a little out of shape before. I told him to make the bottom edge rounder. That goes to show you how fucking little I know about teeth. Doh!!. [sighs]. Most normal teeth have a flat bottom edge. I know this from examining closely my students' teeth during the oral english examinations I have been giving each of these 350 or so students over the past 2 weeks. A lot of teeth. I know what fucking good shaped teeth are.(*********) I had at least one such good tooth before this dentist started playing God.

(****) Yes, he took a fucking photo of my front teeth and, the first time, he still couldn't get the right coloured crowns to match the other teeth around them. I should add though that there is some laboratory somewhere and a laboratory technician that prepares the crowns. He first takes an outside impression of the old tooth and an outside impression of the dentine after the enamel has been stripped off and sends instructions to the laboratory technician who prepares something. I'm not sure on exactly what the dentist does. But, I have reason to believe from my own unfortunate experience that the level of communication between these two teethcare professionals leaves a lot to be desired.

(*****) And, Jesus, these fucking teeth. Are they like, what, Chinese teeth or something? You know, I was planning on writing about this fiasco two weeks ago but I couldn't bring myself to do it until now. I've just been so disappointed and upset. And, I still am , let me tell you. Fucking devastated. I just have to soldier on.

(******). I still haven't asked him.

(*******). I will say, in fairness, the teeth aren't bad. Actually, they're pretty good. Maybe 7 out of 10. It's just that the failure of this doctor/dentist to communicate with me, like answering my questions, is so fucking annoying. It's like he's covering up something. [shakes head]. [sighs].

(********). I should say "disastrous incisors".

(*********). And, badly shaped teeth too. . But, I'm not going to get into that in this post.

New Hampshire Primary - What a Disappointment!!

2008-01-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

I got up the following morning.(*) I had gone to bed that night, checking in on yahoo.com . It said that the first results of the New Hampshire Primary were in - and Obama was leading. Alas, only 15 votes or so were counted. But, I was thinking, Obama is on a roll. The Presidency was his. Such was my disappointment then the next morning, I go to yahoo and find out that, alas, Hillary Clinton had nabbed it. "The Comeback kid".

I don't think so. I mean, okay, Bill Clinton, apparently, when running for the Democrat nomination way back in 1992, lost the Iowa Caucuses like Hillary Clinton did and Bill Clinton, like Hillary Clinton, won the following New Hampshire Primary but, hey, I don't think Bill Clinton back at the close of 1991, had the huge leads in the polls that Hillary Clinton was enjoying. You know, like 51% or so to Obama's 23% or so. So, "Comeback kid"? Come on.

I don't hate Hillary Clinton. I like Hillary Clinton. I just don't like the people around her. Okay, I borrowed those lines from some political pundit. Put it this way.

Oh, look, the day before the New Hampshire Primary, maybe two days before, some jackasses apparently gatecrashed a Hillary Clinton rally and shouted "Iron My Pants". A sexist comment, of course. But, it got me thinking. That was staged for sure!!. And, there was Hillary Clinton with a neat response and summoning the police to escort them away.

But, yeah, I was mighty disappointed by Obama's loss in New Hampshire. He came close though. 35% to 38% for Hillary Clinton, I think.

But, anyway, to go back to the theme, "The Comeback Kid". Come on. Clinton clearly was leading all the time. Even, after the Iowa Caucuses, such was her huge lead in the run-up to the Iowa Caucuses, her lead in the national polls, I think, could only be reduced, not overturned. I think she still leads Barack Obama by 10% or so. Can Hillary recover?

I hope not.

Paul Carr

(*)The 10th of January, I think...

I hope Obama will become US President.

2008-01-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

I have to say it. I hope he does it. Truth be told, I am surprised he pulled off a victory in the Iowa caucuses.

Oh, I hope Hillary Clinton doesn't make it. I'll try and be nice and civil about Hillary in this post. But, should I dare to dream? Barack Obama ran an energetic campaign in Iowa. Turnout was twice that of 2004, I think. More women voted for Obama than Clinton. As the other guy said, "Change won.". (the other guy being John Edwards)

And, after the vote, Hillary changed her tune, talking about "young people" (i.e. the under 40 year olds) and what they want. Hillary Clinton has made a point that, yes, she isn't her husband and, you know, if elected president, she would be 15 years older than her husband was when he was first elected President. She just comes across to me as being angry. I went to crooksandliars.com the other day and read a comment from some Hillary Clinton supporter in the wake of the Barack Obama win. It was absolutely appalling. The summary of it was this. "Barack Obama is black and America will never elect a black president.". You don't say?!. I mean, that's racist. That sort of angry statement sorta reminds me of some Southern Hick landowner in pre-1860 slave-owning America, insisting on his rights to own his black slaves who are his property and are indistinguishable from property.

Here's a photo I found on crooksandliars of Hillary Clinton merged with Republican contender, Mitt Romney. I like it.

Hillary Clinton to me wants to come across as too perfect. Look in google and you'll find examples of Hillary Clinton's perfect straight front teeth. Barack Obama's imperfect dentures strike me are more realistic. A man of the people.

But, seriously, Hillary Clinton, after the Iowa Caucuses, changed her tune, for the first time since she launched her campaign back, I think, in January 2007. Now, she's generously mentioning "young people" and what they want. They came out in droves for the Iowa caucuses and pushed Hillary Clinton into 3rd place behind Edwards and Obama.

You know, to be realistic, I think Obama is the best of a bad lot. I don't really see any inspiring Democrat candidates, truth be told. Certainly in the realm of foreign policy, I see no guy with the liberated thinking of a Ron Paul on the Democrat side. They're all timid on the foreign policy front. [sighs]. I thought that Barack Obama's reference back in August, I think, when he said that he may, as US President, consider an air-strike into Pakistani territory if he had actionable intelligence that Al-Qaeda training camps et cetera were there and possibly Osama Bin Laden in its midst, was foolhardy. I mean, after that disastrous statement, I noticed that Hillary Clinton's lead in national polls doubled from 13 percent or so to 26 percent. Other than that, 2007 was a boring year for Democrat polls (unlike the Republican polls) which didn't seem to change that much.

Barack Obama accused Hillary Clinton of being "Bush-lite" in 2007. But, you know, it seems to me, making that statement about Pakistan, Barack Obama is kinda "Bush-lite" too, following the Bush doctrine of "preemptive war". Crazy!!. And, you know, if Barack Obama fails to distinguish himself from Hillary Clinton in breaking away from establishment politics including the dominant neo-conservative doctrine of "pre-emptive war" where the USA starts wars of aggression, such as in the Middle East to secure oil supplies to the Motherland, i.e. the USA. You know,I think, 60 percent of the USA's energy needs are imported, right? But,anyway. You know, what I'm saying is, if you can't distinguish yourself from your opponent then when your opponent boringly and pedestrianingly points out, ahem, I have more experience than you do, then the person with more experience will win, albeit on a low low turnout. Not so in Iowa, and yeah, I was real surprised by the high turnout. Real surprised. And, afterwards, during his victory speech, Obama talked like a boxer would after having been weighed and sitting with his soon-to-be-opponent-in-the-ring, talking defiantly about his strengths and this is a significant staging post on his road to the White House and that, yes, he WILL take the White House. I can't blame him for that. I like Obama. Really, I do think he is the genuine article.

But, I have concerns about him too. You know, I think it was the right-wing punditocracy on the Fox news network who started calling Obama "Obambi", claiming he would be too soft on terrorism. You know, actually, I think there is an element of truth in this, sorry to say, Obama. You want to unite the country behind change, but, behind the rhetoric of uniting the country, I fear, you'll adopt a Republican agenda of no-change. What about getting ALL the troops out of Iraq? No. He'll keep a residual force, I understand. Hillary Clinton and John Edwards will do the same. Lookit, your army is a force of occupation in Iraq. Since 2003, it has been roughly estimated that a million Iraqis have been killed, have died unnatural deaths, a further 2 million displaced within Iraq and a further 2 million forced to leave the country altogether because of massacres and genocide. Look at what has happened to the once-million-strong Christians there who enjoyed many freedoms, including the freedom to worship under Saddam Hussein's regime. It would appear they have now been decimated. And, you 3 Democratic candidates think it would be okay to keep some US personnel in Iraq indefinitely? I think I know what the Iraqi people want. They want you out, they want your army of occupation and humiliation and murder and torture out. Get out. So, yeah, Barack Obama can be disappointing too. But, as I say, the best of a bad lot.

So, yeah, I have to confess I am a little bit excited about the Iowa caucuses outcome. I mean. Historically the Iowa Caucuses have been an important and fairly accurate indicator in the past of who will win their respective party's nomination. One exception to the rule was in 1976, when George H W Bush beat Ronald Reagan in the Iowa Caucuses but still lost to Ronald Reagan to win the Republican nomination that year.

I mean the national polls so far indicate that Hillary Clinton still has A COMMANDING LEAD. Like, she's near 50 per cent or above. Some media reports are speculating that she may become the comeback kid, like her husband, Bill, was in 1993, er, sorry, 1992 and bounce back and clean up the remaining primaries and take the Democratic nomination But, maybe, she doesn't need to comeback at all. We'll have to wait until the next national poll. What if it says more of the same, like the polls did in 2007? You know, Hillary Clinton on 51% or so, Barack Obama on 23% and Edwards on 12%. Yawn. What's wrong with America?

Hillary Clinton, as revealed in Michael Moore's documentary, Sicko, took money from health care provider lobbyists to the turn of between 800,000 and 900,000 dollars. As I recall, according to the documentary, she was the second highest recipient of health care donations behind some guy called Santorium. (Rick) I mean. It's called honest bribery, ladies and gentlemen. The money may be declared but don't you think, that Hillary Clinton (or anyone else for that matter (it's human nature)) will listen more to lobbyists who pay her bucketloads of cash than she would to the ordinary guy on the street who wants reliable and decent health care for his/her kids? Hillary Clinton come back to the real world. Stop attacking Barack Obama and recognise your own failures.. Can't you give that money back? Or donate it to a charity of your choice? Hillary Clinton, if elected President, yawn, will be just more of the same.

I guess though, there is always a sliver of light on the edge of a dark cloud. I mean, if she is elected President, or becomes the Democratic nominee, there will be Bill Clinton in the background, providing guidance to her. And, you know, Bill Clinton did bequeath onto George W Bush a balanced budget which George W Bush ruined especially with his policy of pre-emptive warfare in Iraq and Afghanistan. "Fiscal conservativism", it seems to me, means, huge budget deficits, borrowing money from the Japanese, Saudis and especially the Chinese to finance never-ending wars and, letting your grandchildren pay for it, if they can. As Ron Paul says, the country, under its present course, is heading for bankruptcy. So, maybe, Hillary Clinton will seek to rebalance the budget like Bill Clinton successfully did, and, in so doing, you know, pare back on the USA's military industrial complex around the world? Possible? Perhaps to some extent but I wouldn't expect anything radical from her. I just hope she isn't nominated by the Democrats.

Enough written.

Paul Carr

It'll be between Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton. You've heard it here first. Watch this Space.

2007-12-31T05:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, here's my prediction for the US Presidential contest next year. Mitt Romney versus Hillary Clinton.

(**********)

I think, come next November, Hillary Clinton will just edge out Mitt Romney but it'll be close. There'll be a record low turn-out of 45 per cent of the vote. Clinton might squeeze in but, my looney prediction is that the Democrats will lose control of the Senate and, possibly, the House of Representatives too.

Yes, George W. Bush is a fucking disappointment. But, the Democrat controlled Congress is even more of a fucking disappointment as reflected in the polls which show that even more USAites disapprove of the Senate and House of Representatives (what do they do exactly?) then they do of their President. You've got Nancy Pelosi and that guy in the Senate, something Reid, they do nothing but bow to the President. What did we have this year? The USA Patriot Act was it called? Allowing a suspension of Habeas Corpus. And other matters like rendition, illegal wire-taping and all that stuff to do with a symptoms of a pre-fascist society. What have the Democrats done there in Congress to put a stop to George W. Bush's warmongering at home and abroad? Very little, so far as I can tell. Comedian, Jon Stewart, called the Democrats in Congress a "bunch of pussies". I call them a fucking disappointment. By failing to stand up to this President, the Democrats give him carte blanche to do as he pleases. I read recently that documents have been made public that reveal that in 1950, J Edgar Hoover, who if I recall correctly was head of the CIA (or was it FBI) can't remember, asked the then-President Harry S. Truman, in all confidentiality, to ask him to suspend Habeas Corpus for an estimated 12,000 "disloyal" Americans. He had compiled a database. He wanted to arrest them. I figure Harry S. Truman said "No". But, it has occurred to me. A Democracy. Can it really come under assault by fascism and fascist forces (*). For example, under the stress of an unrealistic foreign policy, such as the one the USA pursues across the world, can a Democracy like that in the USA really collapse, a Democracy that has been intact and has evolved since the foundation of the country. Yes, of course, I should add here, that women didn't have the vote until 1919, as I recall, and African Americans, throughout the country, didn't enjoy the benefits of this "Democracy" for many a year. But, anyway. Let's take a look at this unrealistic foreign policy that the USA is pursuing. My summary of it is, "We own the fucking planet". "We won't sign multilateral agreements" (**). "We want to spread "Freedom" and "Democracy" across the World". And, finally, "We're better than anyone else and yes, we are fucking cranky, what are you going to do about it?". Is this a sustainable foreign policy? I don't know. I don't think so. I think this is a foreign policy aheading for disaster.

For me, the world's most dangerous trouble spot is not Iraq, or even Pakistan. The world's most dangerous trouble spot is Taiwan. Think about this. You have the Neo-Conservatives who control the Government in Washington. For years, they have told us that Al Qaeda is the real threat to global peace and security. In the wake of 9/11, the people of the USA were compliant, granting their President whatever he wanted. The people could be controlled using the instruments of fear and confusion. When the President wanted to roll the drum-beat of war, in the run-up to the invasion of Iraq in the Spring 2003, he could, and ALL the domestic news networks joined him in his strident militancy, the SAME kind of militancy that Al Qaeda also advocated. Like two kids on the playground having at each other. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney could easily get 80% support in those, the good ole' days, for a UNILATERAL invasion, without UN approval, of Iraq. But times, they are achanging. Now, the boogeyman is Iran and its leader, Mahmoud Admadinejad, and, hey, Georgey boy wants to roll the drum-beat of war again but, this time, he can only get a bare majority of the USA people behind him, about 53%, a bare majority. Gone are the days of 80% to 85% support. And, this is, in spite of, the disappointing equivalance of the major Democrat candidates for President, including Hillary Clinton who supported a war-wongering motion in Congress recently designating the Iranian Republican Guard, or a branch of it was it?, as a Terrorist Organisation. Kinda sounds like a unilateral declaration of war by the United States on Iran to me. But, anyway, let's move on.

I mentioned Taiwan. Here's my theory. The Neo-Cons aren't stupid. They're just thick. Not stupid. They need a new issue to beat the drum-beats of war. Telling the USA people that, you know, a bunch of guys hanging out in caves in the Afghan/Pakistan border, are a real and imminent danger to their livelihoods and security and their lives won't cut it any more. The people of the USA are catching on now. 4 of the "Mainstream Liberal Media" have since 2005, sloughed off Bush Syndrome and have gone back to reporting facts and things happening on the ground (***), you know, doing what they're supposed to do. That is, MSNBC, NBC, CNN and the other one, ah, erm, CBS. Leaving only the Fox Network to continue waging that official Government line that Al Qaeda are the biggest threat to the USA today. In point of fact, the biggest threat to their livelihoods today is their own Government. So, the Neo-Cons needs to find a new issue.

Taiwan will be just the ticket. Let's take this scenario. What if? What if the People's Republic of China were to invade the island of Taiwan? Can it happen? I think so. What if? For me, Taiwan and the Taiwan straits issue is the world's most pressing international problem because the fall-out could be catastrophic. Let's bear in mind, how the US Congress has been approving military loans, last I checked 42 times, to be sent to Taiwan. Okay, strike the 42, I'm not sure on the number. I can tell you this though. REPEATEDLY, and DESPITE, the Taiwanese parliament rejecting each offer. What does that tell you? It tells me the US Congress, even with a Democrat majority, is a war-wongering entity that seeks to promote conflict throughout the world, just like the USA is doing in Iraq, where the USA is funding and financing rival Sunni and Shiite groups who, in turn, are fighting a vicious civil war with one another, in the haze of which, the most appalling atrocities are being perpetrated against the most vulnerable in society. Religionists, eh. They sound like Fascists and Cowards to me. But, anyway. The USA has a huge military/industrial complex. It needs to be paired back. But, in a way, it's like a cancer, a malignant cancer, that has a tendency to grow and grow. It feeds itself. Pairing it back will take political courage and, to be frank, the only US candidate, I see, who has that courage and expresses that courage, at any rate, with honesty and integrity, is Ron Paul, a Republican running for President. He's the only one. I don't agree with much of his foreign policy, such as not participating or participating less in international bodies like the UN and cutting back on Government at home, but, at least, I agree with him when he says what he sees. That is, the USA is an Empire, stop the nonsense, call it what it is.

http://www.xiaoli.cc/video/detail/397/xxctdWzxcI

Here watch this above. For "Lord of the Rings", the first movie. Bilbo has the all-mighty ring of power which has consumed him. He is possessed by it but think he possesses the ring. In fact, the ring controls him and his thoughts and feelings and emotions. He needs to get rid of it and, being a good man, he has promised others that, indeed, he would get rid of it, but he hasn't. He keeps it and keeps it and keeps it. He never keeps his promise to be rid of it. The ring holds him. Bilbo, you need to get rid of the ring. Finally, under the guidance of his wise, Humanoid friend, Gandalf, he lets go of that abomination, that evil thing cast in the fires of Mount Doom (****), and he's rid of it. And, in the end, he turns back to his friend, Gandalf, after he had let go of the ring and says, "I've just thought of a title for my book, "And he lives happily ever after, until the end of his days"".

Yes, Bilbo was right to let go of the ring. By doing so, he could breath again the air like a human being can. And, yes, in that moment, when he dropped the ring, he felt a sense of defeat and resignation and he felt like a failure, but, nonetheless, he did the right thing. And, yes, he will live happily ever after, until the end of his days.

The USA is an Empire. And like all Empires, it will end. The question is how. Harmoniously? So far, I don't see evidence of that with the USA Empire as of 2007. Look at the savage punishment meted out to the good Iraqi people since the USA invasion of 2003. 2 million Iraqis since displaced within their homeland. A further 2 million displaced outside of Iraq, living now in refugee camps in neighbouring countries. A million or so, we will never know the exact number because the invading USA army and administration won't allow such tallies to be taken, a million or so Iraqis dead. What a savage and brutal Empire the USA Empire can be. But, it's nothing new for Empires. In 303AD, the Pagan Emperor Constantinius instituted a most brutal crack-down on Christians throughout the Roman Empire, killing perhaps tens of thousands. Within a few years, the new Emperor, Constantine, had become a Christian and Christianity became the State Religion for the entire Empire to replace the pantheon of pagan Gods and Goddesses so beloved by Constantinius. The USA Empire is coming to an end. Like Bilbo, the USA government has the ring of power, like Bilbo, the USA government, feels "stretched, rather like butter spread over too much bread". Your Empire is coming to an end. And, yet, you still have a choice. Let go of the ring. For fuck's sake. It's simple. As Ron Paul says, get your troops out of the world and take them back to the USA, your homeland. Close down all those bases you have around the world, in Europe, in Asia, in the Middle East. You're not wanted so get out. Stop fooling yourself. How many military installations do you have anyway? I recall Ron Paul saying, like 750 or so. How many troops do you have servicing your military industrial complex? I heard Tim Russert, interviewing Ron Paul recently, say about 572,000, I think the number he said was, or 576,000, whatever. A lot. Take them home. As Ron Paul says, your troops are encouraging conflict, not resolving conflict, of which the most egregious example, is Iraq and Afghanistan.(*****) Al Qaeda? I hear they barely had 200 members at the time of the September 11st attacks in 2001. Since, then courtesy of the world's most powerful man, George W. Bush, pop idol status has been bestowed upon them and now, they are a leading part of the insurgency in countries like Iraq and Afghanistan which no amount of USA military might is going to clamp down upon. End this insanity, George W Bush, and take all the troops home. Military supremacy doesn't resolve conflict, it only perpetuates it. (******)

Okay, what was I talking about. Okay. Conflict, War, Hostility and Misunderstanding. Oh, yes, Misunderstanding, if there's anything that's going to cause World War 3, it's Misunderstanding. Take China. People in the USA know so little about this country. I read recently that there were as little as 12,000 USAers in the whole of China. The whole of China, whaaa?!!. Let's put that in perspective. In South Korea, there are about 47,000 USAers, excluding Army personnel I think. Many of them, I presume, English language teachers (*******). In Japan, 18,000 USAers. Let's think about that for a second. 47,000 civilian USAers in South Korea, which has a population of 47 million people, like, what is it, 0.1% of its whole population, not a lot, very little in fact, especially so when you consider that there are 300,000,000 people in the USA, a big little country, not comparable in size to the Global Big Countries of India (1.1 billion) or China (1.3 billion), but still, 300 million isn't bad. But, let's pretend for a moment, let's just say that, as a benchmark, 47,000 civilian USAers is a sufficient number, a satisfactory number. Now, let's extrapolate that figure to Japan. A country with a population of 127 million. 3 times the population of South Korea, but with only 18,000 USAers. And, so the percentage of USAers constituting the population of Japan as a whole is so much lower than 0.1% as in south Korea. It'll be more like, oh, I dunno 0.015% or maybe 0.02%. Think about that. Think about how impenetrable the Far East still is to Westerners,even a country like Japan, which has already been developed and a liberal democracy and , relatively, open for a few decades, has so few foreigners from the West there, so few even it would appear in cosmopolitan cities like Tokyo and Osaka. And, so, when we turn to China, the picture gets even bleaker still. China, a population of 1.3 billion people, you, the people of the United States of America, have, what is it, 12,000 in the whole country. That's it? Sighs. Oh, yes, I think there is plenty of scope for misunderstanding between people in the USA, a country, which, let's be frank, faces an internal identity crisis as well as being saddled with an uninspiring, costly Empire, they can't afford. A bare 12,000 people in the whole country. And of those 12,000, how many of those can speak decent passable Chinese and are endeavouring to do more than scratch the surface of this mysterious to our occidental eyes society. Well, I live in China now and I am endeavouring, I think, to do just that. But, it takes time. I've been here for 17 months plus already. But, anyway. 12,000 people, of these, a few might be in e-mail contact or phone contact with Congressmen and women and Senators on the Hill back in Washington educating people in the USA (********) about what's really going on in the People's Republic of China, instead of all the negative Press reports that go around, talking about human rights abuses et cetera et cetera, as if the USA didn't have this sort of problem. Guantanamo Bay, anyone. So,yeah, a lot of ignorance, I think, USA people have of Chinese people and culture and society and people. But, in fairness, I will say, that Chinese people know more about the USA than USA people know about China. But,anyway. I will add the proviso that my 12,000 figure for all the USA people in the whole of China is probably on the downside of things, by how much I don't know, and, I will also say that, yes, China is opening up to the rest of the world and more and more USAers and other foreigners are going to China and learning about China every year. Around the world, Confucius Centers are opening up so that people can learn more about China, its language and culture, before actually going there. That's great. But, still, there's a long way to go. I think most Chinese people and the Chinese leadership will agree with me there.

But, yes, I have my worries and I write this piece because I want to articulate to you what my worries are. [sighs]. The neo-cons are war-mongers. They have a vested interest in keeping the bloated military industrial complex in the USA, well, bloated. And, Taiwan, an invasion of Taiwan by the People's Republic of China, if that were to happen, would be an excuse for them to beat the drums of war again, to decree a new Cold War, a new war for the spread of "Freedom" and "Democracy" and military expenditure, which I think now, is about 750 billion dollars a year, will hit the roof and break the one trillion dollar year a mark. [sighs]. Anyway, to be honest with you, I hadn't really planned on talking about my thoughts on the Taiwan issue on this post. But, I do want to. Talking, even my own humble contribution on my blog, is a modest and constructive way to resolve problems. But, if you think, my blogging here about it or other issues, is merely a means for me to air my prejudices, that's okay. You're entitled to your opinion. All I'm saying is, let's not let fear win. Let's let understanding win.

It's time for a global debate. (*********) In the USA, I see a lot of phoney debates. You know, I'm not from the USA. I'm from Ireland. Since this summer, I wanted to learn more about USA society aside from the glitz and glamour of their movies and movie stars. I wanted to study something about the hard underbelly of USA society. This summer, I was watching a Youtube video of Michael Moore being interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on CNN about his recently released movie, "Sicko" and it was entertaining to watch and listen to. Michael Moore was real indignant about the reporter guy (not Blitzer, another guy) who had just dissed his movie. But, anyway, from there, I visited Michael Moore's website and from there, I stumbled upon http://www.crooksandliars.com and I've been going there 3 or 4 times a day. Very engaging. A Progressive website. I have to learn the new political terminology that is used in the USA but we don't use in the Republic of Ireland or Britain. Anyway, I've learned about new media personalities, new to me, like Keith Olbermann, Bill O'Reilly, Dobbs and so on. You know, I've learned that the USA is more than just celebrities like Tom Cruise, you have serious people there too who don't scream like Wacko Jacko.. So, since this summer, I have been learning about this sober underbelly of USA society. And, frankly, it's intriguing. Of course, you have the US Presidential Primary Process going on too and that also engages my attention. I guess this long and involved Primary Season is a good one (***********) and people really do blog intensely on the issues such as John Amato at Crooks and Liars. That's great and amazing and inspiring. People are waking up to the rubbish they are being fed by their Government. And, I'm learning to, as an outsider.

But, you know, anyway, for me, Taiwan is the world's most dangerous trouble spot, not Iraq (the third most dangerous trouble spot) or Pakistan (the second most dangerous trouble spot (but if you're from India, I perfectly understand that you think Pakistan is the number one trouble spot and you're right!!.) But, really, in terms of the potential damage this will cause to the USA-China relationship, in terms of the fallout that a Taiwan straits conflict will cause (China, in my opinion, now possesses the overwhelming military force to conquer the island), in terms of the fact, that the USA is a considerable World Power if not a superpower, certainly in terms of military expenditure it is a superpower and China, as the next Superpower and rising Military Power, I think that, on a global basis, Taiwan is the world's top trouble spot. It could trigger a new cold war and a sustained cold war and corresponding arms race. But, again, the candidates for US President are blind to that. They're all focused on the Middle East.. Even Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich on the Democrat side. And, of course,that "Liberal Media" may have something to do with that too. We should be dealing with the Taiwanese crisis, not sweeping it under the carpet.

I've written enough for today and I am sure I will return to these issues in the future. Thanks for reading. This article is too fucking long for me to proof read.(************)

Paul Carr

(*) Both from within and from without.
(**)"We won't obey multilateral agreements we signed up to previously."
(***) Such as places like Iraq and Afghanistan. Abu Ghraib and all that.
(****) Oh, let's not forget the "evil-doer", Sauron.
(*****). Oh, I want to mention at this juncture, the Korean Peninsula!!. Where I think, the USA has something like 30,000 troops stationed, maybe more. As Ron Paul pointed out, keeping those troops there is postponing a final peace settlement in the region and has been undermining peace and stability efforts in the region for many a year. Of course, the negative impact of this US occupation of military bases in the region, isn't as obvious as in Iraq and Afghanistan where we have the actual drama of war (*************) but, nonetheless, this negative impact is just as real. No final resolution of conflict there yet were they would be, if the USA would only just dismantle its Empire there in Japan and Korea too. Oh, and I must mention here now, the sense of embarrassment and shame I felt, reading a story recently on yahoo about a Japanese women taking 4, I think it was 4 USA service men, to court for gang-raping her on the island of Okinawa, I think, where the USA have a large military base. She lived beside the Military base. Embarrassing and shameful. Japan and South Korea are Democracies. Why continue to occupy these countries? It's 2007, not 1945. Time has moved on. The USA Government should recognise this fact and also move on, and, therefore, get out.

(******) By citing the Lord of the Rings in this post, I'm betraying to you my belief, that even the worst of men and women can be redeemed. I still hope and pray that George W. Bush, will have a change of heart and do something new. You are the most powerful man in the world. Time for new thinking. I can't relate with you, Mr Bush. I'm sorry. And, yet, I must confess, in 2000, I egged on for you in that year's Presidential Election against "Gore the Bore". I wanted you to win, I wanted you to do your father proud. It was kinda like a Soap Opera, that Presidential Election was to me. And, yeah, back in those days, I was younger, 25 or 26, and kinda stupid, you know, like one of Bill Maher's "Pinheads", following other pinheads like Russ Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly, even if back in 2000, I had never heard of them because I wasn't really engaged in USA politics apart from what I read in Irish and British newspapers and media which wasn't much. I was following the Tom Cruise/Wacko Jacko USA culture instead. I believe that every person has it in them, even George W. Bush, no matter how much he is demonized by the Media or some media, can do the right thing. George W. Bush, do the right thing. Listen to your heart. Get out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Stop the murder of innocent Iraqis and Afghanis. Okay, your troops may not be directly involved in the murder of these people (**************) but your troops are complicit in it.. Let go of the fantasy that you are helping. When, in fact, you only make things worse. Remove the screen from your eyes. Let go of this "Alice through the Looking Glass" conception of the World around you.
(*******) They're well paid.
(********) And, Powerful people in Congress. Recently the Dalai Lama gave a speech to a joint session of Congress. One and half hours long. John Kerry was there, an eminent US Democrat. I wonder what the Dalai Lama said. Did he actually educate the people there, including the US President, about Tibet and China? Did he, for example, tell the assembled people that Tibetans are, in fact, only the 9th largest minority in China as a whole? Did he tell, the assembled crowd, starved probably as they are of information about China as a whole, of which Tibet is a part, that there are 4 times more Tibetans living in neighbouring Qinghai province than there are in Tibet?
(*********). One real global debate is on the issue of the environment. As Al Gore and others are pursuing. Fair play to them. But, it's only one example of a global debate. For me, another real global debate is on the issue of language. The world is becoming smaller and smaller. We need a world language. And, English won't be it. Neither will Chinese. I think we will need to construct a new language. We need to get the world's foremost linguistic experts together, put them in a room and give them a maximum of a year, to bang out a new global language and script for the rest of the world. Of course, there needs to be the political initiative for this to happen. The USA Government can participate on that. Perhaps, after the first 3 months, there will need to be a political meeting of political heads to discuss the fundamental nature of the world language, for example, what kind of script will it use, phonetic, pictographic, syllable based and so on, what kind of oral language will it be, tonal, agglutinative and so on. With the political will, it can be done. Let's just stop the phoney debates first please. Al Qaeda?! Pleassssee.. Come on. Men hanging out in caves. Iraq and Afghanistan and Pakistan, it seems to me, dominates the media in the USA and other countriess media too perhaps. What about South and Central America, what about India, what about sub-Saharan Africa? To a lesser extent, also the Far-East. Perhaps, this is changing though. I am pleasantly surprised to read some stories breaking through on yahoo, which I try to read every day, from and about China, usually from Beijing and Shanghai and the big cities. But, anyway. Much of the rest of the world might as well not exist. For example, in Brazil, wasn't there this brutal Government or Province sponsored crack-down on drug dealers recently that resulted in the deaths of tens of people, if not hundreds? (***************) I didn't see much of that reported. Anyway, going back to a real global debate, yeah, we need to discuss real issues. The Environment is one. Language is another. World Government is another. Controlling military expenditure with binding global agreements is another, a stronger UN is another, World Democracy is another. Let's dare to dream. Let's dare to take a leap of faith. Stop sitting around with our thumb up our collective arse and not doing anything, screaming, "Al Qaeda" and "We got to fight them over there to stop them from coming over here". I last heard that talk in the school playyard between the bully and the vulnerable child. Let's get real.

(**********). Of course, I will concede that Mitt Romney will more-or-less buy his Party's nomination. I've heard that up to a quarter of his funding so far has come from his own pocket. Oh, it's great to be rich.
(***********). It's also a very good idea.
(************). Well, actually, I did proof read it. In the end.
(*************). And,massacres, and suicide bombings, and killings and displacements (at least in greater numbers than from North Korea)
(**************). Sometimes.
(***************). Mercenaries were used.

Sicko had disturbed me.

2007-12-26T07:32:00.001-08:00

I know it's stating the obvious. But, I'm 33 years old. Past 33 and a half years old. And, you know, watching this film kinda scares me. You have a healthy 35 year old French guy in the film struck down with cancer in the prime of his life. You have a young woman of 22, I think she was, struck down with ovarian cancer. God knows, when one will have an illness or sickness of some sort. In "Sicko", we see how uncaring and, frankly, evil the health care system in the USA is. HMOs, which I think stands for, "Health Management Organisation"s, are concerned with making a profit, not with keeping you healthy. So, if you have a pre-existing condition, you're fucked, you're screwed. In France, by contrast, as revealed in Michael Moore's film, if you have a pre-existing condition, the doctors take this information and want to help you with it. I guess "Sicko" is about just now sick and unrealistic USA society has become. Oh, am I anti-US? Oh, should I be referring to the USA as "America"? Oh, and what does that make the Brazilians then? Excellent soccer players perhaps?

Anyway, let's get back on subject. Yes, yes, HMOs. Oh, my God!!!. For me, health care is a key litmus test in the health of a society. A strong society, a developed country,such as the USA, should have universal health care, or as Michael Moore terms it, "Socialized Medicine". Just like the rest of the developed world. To me, a key test in accessing the quality of a civilisation is whether or not that society has universal health care for all its citizens regardless of health care insurance coverage. Oh, let me try to articulate this a little better. A key indicator of the health or strength of a society or civilisation is the quality of its health service. In Michael Moore's film, we see a woman, who had paid a fortune for drugs in the USA, go to Cuba and pay only a fraction of the price for the SAME medication. So, yeah, is the USA health system, as George W Bush would have us believe, the best in the world? I don't think so.

But, like in all Michael Moore's films, his film goes beyond just health care and touches on other issues, such as the stupid and pathetic war in Iraq. "We're fighting them over there so that we don't have to fight them over here", you know. Good grief!!. Also, I found interesting Moore's chat with the USA ex-pats in France, singing the praises of the French health care system, as well they should. One lady, an African American, made a very interesting observation. She said that a key difference between France and the USA is that in France, the government is afraid of its people. But, in the USA, it's the reverse, people are afraid of their government. Gawd, the USA!. I was there, you know. In the summer of 1994, working as a waiter in two gulf clubs on Long island, New York, caught up, as I was with the glitzy and false glamour of the place i.e. the USA. Sorry USA, for being so anti-USA. I was there for 2 weeks in 1995 too, visiting briefly such cities as Los Angeles (it was hot) and San Francisco.

But, yeah, I guess people in the USA would fear their government. I have read reports of army recruitment personnel hanging around like vultures outside high schools and colleges and universities, seeking recruits to join the army and, without a doubt, being almost promptly shipped off to Iraq. No doubt, some of them will be coming back in body bags later on, barely 20 years old, or with one or both of their eyes ripped off, or one or two or three or all of their limbs ripped off. In total dispair, and, guess what, next, they receive a letter in the post from their government telling them that the bonus they were paid for joining the army in the first place needs to be paid back because, hey, they didn't finish their military contract, because, gosh, they had their arms blown off. How stupid of them!!.

And, so it seems with health care in the USA. If you have cancer, you must have been stupid to have had it. You must have been leading an amoral lifestyle or you were just plain lazy or obese. If you have an illness, you're fucked.

Anyway, the film shook me up to my core. About 2 weeks ago, I had a headache. And, my left nut (testicle) was throbbing with a little pain. Oh, testicular cancer maybe? Who knows? I hope not. And, I had this tightness in my upper chest today and I am pretty convinced I already have some artherosclerosis in one or two of the arteries near the heart. Pretty damn sure of it. I just have to go to a doctor to find out for sure. And, if so, well then, I guess I'll have to have surgery. I think I may have, pretty sure I have for sure, a mild form of angina. Mild, I say, because, I'm still only 33. It's a tension in my upper chest, not a pain just yet. But, I figure it will get worse and worse if I don't get it treated. So, I should. And, I reckon to get good treatment for it, I'll need to have an angioplasty. And, how much will that cost? A lot I'm sure. And, I have no bloody insurance in China. I should take this moment to thank my dear mother for all her financial help and other help.

My point is this. No man is superman. Everyone is subject to the whim of fate. God knows, when we, each one of us, will meet our maker. And, a good health care service, like you have in France or Germany or Britain, is an expression of social solidarity. An expression of our collective willingness, regardless of our actual income, whether we are billionaires or paupers, to help each other out, a safety net, that's there to stop our fall and thereby save a broken back. I guess a major reason why French people live longer than USAites is because, they know that that safety net is there and they can chill. Okay, they too may be struck down with cancer or angina but, at least, they know, if the worst comes to the worst, they won't be faced with a diabolical and heartless and evil and sadistic medical bill that will take the rest of their little lives to pay off, if they are even offered that chance.

Me, by contrast, here in China, I fucking worry about money and I shouldn't. Because, frankly, health should always be more important than money, always. I shouldn't fucking delay about the possible angina situation. Get fucking treatment now before it's too late or it gets worse and worse. Jesus, Paul, stop being like the stunned rabbit in the headlights of an on-coming truck. Do something!!. Money? Well,fuck it. Get health insurance in China. But, in the meantime, your health is important. Do you want to have a tight upper chest for the rest of your life? Might it affect your concentration when you are looking for gorgeous girls? Get it sorted. Life is short. Enjoy life Enjoy what life has to offer.

[sighs].

But, anyway, what I'm saying is that Sicko reminded me of just how vulnerable I am. It reminded me that my life is indeed a series of choices, good, bad or indifferent. It reminded me that, yeah, I led a fucking stupid life from age 18 to 33. I mean, fuck it, my diet for a start, pretty damn shit. Sugar, chocolate, grease. Stop that. Now, I've started to exercise. So, you know, an angioplasty would be a great thing to do now. I can follow it up by continuing the exercise at the gym. And, I'm trying to get my teeth fixed to look, at least, superficially beautiful so I have started to seriously brush my teeth twice a day now. So, yeah, I am determined to change my lifestyle in a fundamental way. Surely, I do deserve a second chance !!!. Am I going to be punished because I led a fucking stupid life for 15 years? Am I going to be screwed because I do have a pre-existing. Oh, come on.

Paul Carr

Tried to post to thebeijinger website just now.

2007-12-26T06:37:00.000-08:00

But had problems. Now,the ad was too too long and thebeijinger website wouldn't accept the changes. I mean it automatically wouldn't accept the changes because the bloody ad was too long. But, fear not. I saved the changed to my laptop. Here's the full ad I wanted to submit. In the end, I was only able to change the red-highlighted part. The green highlighted part I was unable to change.

I'm a 33 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm 174 cm tall on my bare feet. I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I rent a 2 bedroom apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I'm looking for a girlfriend, not a roommate.

I've been in Beijing for 14 months now as of the 3rd of September,2007 and I love it here I'm thinking of making a new life for myself here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. We can have an intense day-to-day language exchange. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her. I'm a beginner in Chinese.

I always make a special effort to be 100 per cent honest with whoever I meet. I don't think anyone can be 100 per cent honest all the time but I do think we all ought to try to do that, to strive to be as honest as possible in our daily lives both with ourselves and with others. So, yes, I am seeking an honest woman, a good communicator.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and try to lead a stress free lifestyle.

I view life as a challenge. I want to rise to the challenge and enjoy life. No life is honky-dory. There are ups and downs and pitfalls on the way. It's a rollercoaster ride but it's not necessarily always fun.

I'm looking for a physically fit, independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded.

I keep blogs here:

http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com
http://europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com

My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
My e-mail is paulcarr1974@yahoo.ie
You can phone or text me at 13521715098.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

UPDATE: (26/12/07) I'm a very happy guy. I'm enjoying my life in China. I've been here for 17 months now. The people are very friendly to me. Being here in China has built my confidence up a lot. I'm keen to learn the language and change my entire life and lifestyle. Sometimes, I am busy but even then, sometimes, I do feel lonely. I don't want to be by myself. I long to be with someone. In bed with someone. I hate, you know, doing things by myself. ;-). I'd like a bit of excitement and fulfilment in my life. So, anyway, I am looking for an adventurous woman. A woman with an imagination and a woman who is tolerant and cheerful. No Christians please. Also, no sexually repressed women. I'm seeking a sexually liberated and exciting young woman. In other words, a woman likeminded to myself. Life's too short not to be able to express oneself openly and honestly to each other. I don't want a woman who is too serious!!. But, neither am I seeking a bimbo either. Do you know what I mean? Maybe not. HeHe.

Anyway, this update to my ad is roughly and casually written just now. The summary is this: I am happy and I want to share my happiness with someone else. I want to be with someone who will inspire me as much as I will inspire her. And, I am not seeking a woman who will set impossible and unfulfilable preconditions on me. Rather I seek a woman who can take it easy.

I just want fulfilment in my life. Don't you? I just want to be happy. Don't you? So, let's be happy. I just want someone to put my arm around, to be mine as much as I am hers. Isn't that too much to ask for? I don't want to be alone and lonely. I don't want to be in a crowd and yet feel alone. I want to be had by someone, to belong to someone, as much as she belongs to me. Isn't that too much to ask for? Am I asking for too much? We talk together. We are happy together. We are easy-going together. We are human together. We have our faults but we are in love with each other. Who cares about our faults. Let's go hand-in-hand into the sunset. Life is brief. Let's enjoy it while we can. Please help me. Please give me a chance. I love it here in China. Since coming here, my life has been transformed and, frankly, I'm not looking back. Looking ahead it too too interesting. I choose life.

Thank you for reading this. Please get in touch with me.

Paul Carr

New Rules.

2007-12-14T20:32:00.001-08:00

Actually, enforcing the "No photo, no reply" rule might be a good move for me. Also, I will enforce the "No photo, no meet-up" rule too. In other words, I want your photo before we meet up. Because, two of the nasty dates I have meet in the past, two real nasty ones, they both rang me (*) and I, being the adventurous jackass/donkey that I am, agreed to meet them on the basis of their phoning me earlier, like only 4 hours earlier, I recall, for one of them and 8 hours earlier for other other. Oh, and they turned out to be nasty, nasty. I didn't even write up on one of them.

So, maybe, I should persevere with the dating thing. And, these dating rules, which I declare I will enforce from now on, will give me some?/all? protection from meeting with wing-nut-jobs in the future. Worth a try.

Paul Carr

(*) Allow me to clarify. They both rang me. They didn't send me their photos. So, in future, I think, I will ask women who ring me to send me their photos first. I think this gives me a level of protection from man-haters/man-eaters/foreigner-haters et cetera. My online ads has both my e-mail address and phone number.

No more Mister Nice Guy.

2007-12-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

I know. I've said this many times before. I'm saying it again, you know, to reaffirm the wisdom of it to myself.

Anyway, first off, I've changed thebeijinger ad as follows: See the red highlighted part. I've changed from "At least one photo would be appreciated" to "No photo, no reply". Here's the ad in its entirety now.

Anyway, yesterday, I get this e-mail from somebody. It goes:

I want to be your friend first ,see how it goes,I am very intelligent ,serious looking for boyfriend,sharing good time and bad time together,watch world goes by ,I am 30,170 cm tall,and slim,and fun to spend time with,maybe we could meet for coffee,good looking what do you think?

And, no fucking photo. Right. HeHe

To remind you all, I had written, "At least one photo would be appreciated" which I had changed to just now, "No photo, no reply".

What is it with Chinese women? They write their height and, if they're over 168 cm tall, then, you know, all us randy guys are going to worship at their temple? Is height, for Chinese women, a substitute for bust size? You know, I can't tell you my bust size, but I can tell you my height. So what cup size are you, love? C,D,E,F, G? A,B?

And, you know, I was tricked again. Like the goon I am. Jesus Paul, stop being a fucking whimp. But, you know, I am partial to tall(ish) women. Here's a gorgeous Japanese Gravure Idol, Kaori Sato, I was wacking off to this morning (successfully ). Also a screen dump of a youtube video I was watching.

Youtube video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4kjQ1x84es

Now, isn't she sweet? Such a slim neck. And, her stats: Here:

http://www.cdjapan.co.jp/list_from_code_banner.html?key=382143

Birthday: 1981/08/05
Height: 169cm
Bust Size: 91cm
Waist Size: 62cm
Hip Size: 87cm
Shoe Size: 24.0cm

But, anyway, my point is this. Okay, a woman reads my ad on thebeijinger or anywhere else. She writes me a brief fucking e-mail saying, you know, I can imagine her husky voice, "I'm 170 cm tall, 92 bust (F cup)" HeHe. et cetera, and other statistical wonders,(*) well, then, hell no, I don't care, I'm not replying to you, Love, because you didn't send me your photo like I requested in the ad. Oh,yeah, and did you read the ad? Too bad, if you didn't. Oh, yeah, 168 cm tall give or take and F cup breasts (**) would be just right for me but, Paul Carr, you ought to have principles, you see. You can't just get down on your knees like some fucking lapdog, tongue lolling in appreciation. But, you know what, yesterday, I made that fucking mistake. I replied to her brief e-mail thus.

Hi ________,

Thank you for your e-mail. Okay, let's meet up for a coffee. My mobile is 13521715098.

All the Best,

Paul Carr

Here I am, pandering to the illogic of women and thus becoming illogical myself. Well, of course, I don't mean all women. I mean some women. Such as this woman, above. Here's what I mean by "No more mister Nice Guy". Was she like fucking testing me or something? You know, I have encountered those such women before. They fucking test you and there is no fucking way in high heaven you can possibly pass the test. You are always bound to fail because, this woman, and many more of her kind, are not fucking interested in you as they are in your wallet. Go look at yourself in the mirror, my Dear, and acknowledge your own faults, instead of questioning my seriousness. And, [sighs], you give her your fucking mobile phone number AGAIN. Like, it was on the fucking ad, Paul Carr. Give yourself a break. Good grief. You see, before, like earlier this year, I did date lots of woman and now the steady stream of female dates has fallen off to nearly nothing with the exception of women I have dated before...

But, anyway. Good grief!.

Anyway, this morning, I e-mailed her again thus:

Oh, yeah, no reply to my first e-mail. Though, in fairness to her, I only gave her 20 hours to reply before I dispatched my second e-mail 30 minutes ago. But, during those 20 hours, especially this morning, I had the feeling that I had been had!!. That, you know, I had failed her fucking test. Whatever the fuck. Why is it that women feel they have to test their men? Why don't they take them on trust? I mean I wrote a very extensive ad above with links to my blogs and more. You have plenty of opportunity to learn more about me. Anyway, my latest e-mail was thus:

So, you don't think I'm serious? Well, I don't think you're serious. I wrote in my ad that "At least one photo would be appreciated.".

Paul Carr

I wonder if this would be enough to reduce the sore sting in the short term of having failed the test of another fucking woman. HeHe

Anyway, that's that.

Paul Carr

(*). You know, "slim".

(**) Give or take. Probably more take than give.

More Annoying Women.

2007-11-27T23:08:00.000-08:00

13:37 2007-11-28

More annoying women.

Sorry for writing another post on this. But, you know, by writing about this, I can learn more about myself and tap into my own intrinsic capacity for self-actualization and happiness.(*)

Okay, I'm going to start with this young thing. You know, I have a weakness for "young things": sweet girls in their early twenties. I guess I have this sexual fantasy about them being go-getters, being very successful in their lives, eating men, hunting heads and so on.

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, I get this e-mail from this "young thing". I'm not going to give you the whole e-mail here but I'll give you an extract of what she wrote.

[reads her e-mail again].

Actually, I've changed my mind. I'm going to reproduce the whole e-mail here, removing any references that identify her.

She goes:

***********************************

Hi, there!

I am _____, a Chinese beauty and 22 years old. I saw your ad on thatsbj.

Passionate & Frank, Adventurous & Ambitious, Romantic, Love dancing & singing, potential artist & philosopher (**), Sporty.

Hehe, generally speaking, I am a potential artist who is passionate, open minded and easy-going and sometimes a little bit wired. I mean I have some unique opinions which couldn't be understood by some people. For example, I think everyone is a philosopher.

And now I am doing executive search business in a leading firm. And I work at ______ as well.

My favorites are dancing and singing songs. I do love dancing and always look for a good partner for dancing (***). Meanwhile I also love painting, music, making friends with people, traveling and learning languages.

Cheers!

*************************

She signs off with the catch phrase, "Being the best!".

And, sure, women should be the best. I really like the sentence where she lists all her talents, finishing off with "Sporty" as if enough wasn't written to fulfil any guy's most delicious fantasy.(****)

Anyway, she also sends me 3 photos in the same e-mail. Two head shots of a sweet young lady and a full body shot where I can enjoy her magnificent thrusting breasts, big and strong and so on. Well, I did some wacking off there and then and blew my load after 5 minutes or so, staring into her sweet penetrating eyes. She describes herself as a headhunter, as I recall, in our subsequent msn chat which she started. She saw my ad on thatsbj, I think.

Anyway, enough of that. We started chatting on msn messenger.

Anyway, I reproduce our msn conversations below.

Date	Time	From	To	Message
2007-11-13	23:22:04	_____________	Paul Carr	I just saw your ad on thatbj.
2007-11-13	23:22:17	Paul Carr	_____________	ok
2007-11-13	23:22:56	_____________	Paul Carr	And send a message to you.
2007-11-13	23:23:12	Paul Carr	_____________	to my yahoo e-mail?
2007-11-13	23:23:41	_____________	Paul Carr	yes
2007-11-13	23:24:00	Paul Carr	_____________	okay, I'll read it now.
2007-11-13	23:24:12	_____________	Paul Carr	Thanks
2007-11-13	23:29:04	Paul Carr	_____________	sure, I agree everybody in a philosopher.
2007-11-13	23:29:14	Paul Carr	_____________	thanks for the photos. You're a hot woman. :)
2007-11-13	23:29:21	_____________	Paul Carr	Hehe Thanks!
2007-11-13	23:29:23	_____________	Paul Carr	:)
2007-11-13	23:29:32	_____________	Paul Carr	Wow. Really.
2007-11-13	23:29:38	_____________	Paul Carr	I am glad to hear that.
2007-11-13	23:29:50	_____________	Paul Carr	However I think I am still a girl.
2007-11-13	23:30:06	_____________	Paul Carr	;) Not a women.
2007-11-13	23:30:09	_____________	Paul Carr	LOL
2007-11-13	23:30:18	Paul Carr	_____________	are you saying you're not mature then?
2007-11-13	23:30:54	_____________	Paul Carr	In my opinion, more than 28 yrs old could be called woman.
2007-11-13	23:31:04	Paul Carr	_____________	oh, I see.
2007-11-13	23:38:56	Paul Carr	_____________	you write you are a "little bit wired".
2007-11-13	23:39:00	Paul Carr	_____________	you mean "weird"?
2007-11-13	23:40:30	_____________	Paul Carr	yes.
2007-11-13	23:40:53	_____________	Paul Carr	Seldom
2007-11-13	23:40:59	Paul Carr	_____________	okay.
2007-11-13	23:41:09	Paul Carr	_____________	well, I guess we are all a little weird sometimes.
2007-11-13	23:41:13	Paul Carr	_____________	that comes with being individuals.
2007-11-13	23:41:25	_____________	Paul Carr	hehe :)
2007-11-13	23:42:06	Paul Carr	_____________	you write that you are frank. so, why did you add me to your msn?
2007-11-13	23:42:52	_____________	Paul Carr	I didn't see the conflict
2007-11-13	23:43:09	Paul Carr	_____________	you don't see the conflict?
2007-11-13	23:45:57	_____________	Paul Carr	Yes.
2007-11-13	23:46:04	_____________	Paul Carr	So tell me it.
2007-11-13	23:46:25	Paul Carr	_____________	why don't you answer my question first and then I'll answer yours..
2007-11-13	23:46:54	_____________	Paul Carr	Something you should know ahead. My vocabulary is small.
2007-11-13	23:47:09	Paul Carr	_____________	so why did you add me to your msn? to learn English?
2007-11-13	23:47:34	_____________	Paul Carr	You said I write that I am frank and why I added you.
2007-11-13	23:47:47	Paul Carr	_____________	so why did you add me to your msn?
2007-11-13	23:47:50	_____________	Paul Carr	I didn't see there is any conflict between them.
2007-11-13	23:48:03	Paul Carr	_____________	answer my question. you havent' answered it and so you are not frank.
2007-11-13	23:48:31	_____________	Paul Carr	Because I want to communicate with you.
2007-11-13	23:48:34	_____________	Paul Carr	That is clear.
2007-11-13	23:48:46	Paul Carr	_____________	you added me because you want to improve your english.
2007-11-13	23:48:55	Paul Carr	_____________	because, in your words, your vocabulary is small.
2007-11-13	23:49:02	_____________	Paul Carr	Just as the same reason that why I write you an email.
2007-11-13	23:49:10	Paul Carr	_____________	but, I'm looking for a girlfrienid.
2007-11-13	23:49:11	_____________	Paul Carr	No.
2007-11-13	23:49:13	Paul Carr	_____________	that was on my ad.
2007-11-13	23:49:17	Paul Carr	_____________	not a language partner.
2007-11-13	23:49:20	_____________	Paul Carr	Oh my god.
2007-11-13	23:49:40	_____________	Paul Carr	You will make a girl your girlfriend the first time you chat?
2007-11-13	23:49:44	_____________	Paul Carr	Oh my god.
2007-11-13	23:49:46	Paul Carr	_____________	of course not.
2007-11-13	23:49:53	Paul Carr	_____________	of course, we have to be friends first.
2007-11-13	23:50:09	Paul Carr	_____________	but, in my experience, most girls who add me to their msn list, do so because they want to practice their english.
2007-11-13	23:50:13	_____________	Paul Carr	I am a headhunter. I am communicate people all speak English. And I am using it everyday.
2007-11-13	23:50:19	Paul Carr	_____________	and when I asked you why you added me to your list.
2007-11-13	23:50:30	Paul Carr	_____________	you answered, "My English vocabulary is small".
2007-11-13	23:50:39	Paul Carr	_____________	What do you headhunt?
2007-11-13	23:50:48	_____________	Paul Carr	headhunter.
2007-11-13	23:51:18	_____________	Paul Carr	I will go to bed. I will write you a email tomorrow to make you clear about all the things.
2007-11-13	23:51:21	_____________	Paul Carr	Gnight.
2007-11-16	23:31:51	Paul Carr	_____________	Hi Air, You didn't write me an e-mail...
2007-11-24	13:11:36	_____________	Paul Carr	Hey
2007-11-24	13:11:36	_____________	Paul Carr	Paul
2007-11-24	13:11:50	Paul Carr	_____________	hi
2007-11-24	13:11:54	_____________	Paul Carr	I said I will try to write you an email.
2007-11-24	13:11:58	_____________	Paul Carr	to explain.
2007-11-24	13:12:06	Paul Carr	_____________	yeah, the following day but you didn't.
2007-11-24	13:12:07	_____________	Paul Carr	Because I am too busy at work.
2007-11-24	13:12:49	_____________	Paul Carr	I have been working over time almost three weeks.
2007-11-24	13:30:09	_____________	Paul Carr	So in your openion, my am adding you and talking to you is just to improving my English?
2007-11-24	13:30:32	Paul Carr	_____________	well, I don't know.
2007-11-24	13:30:36	Paul Carr	_____________	is it?
2007-11-24	13:31:09	_____________	Paul Carr	no
2007-11-24	13:31:16	Paul Carr	_____________	okay.
2007-11-24	13:31:30	Paul Carr	_____________	but, I'm looking for a girlfriend, not a friend....that was what I wrote on my ad.
2007-11-24	13:31:46	_____________	Paul Carr	Acctualy if you could speak Chinese, that will be good.
2007-11-24	13:32:02	_____________	Paul Carr	Then we won't miscommunicate.
2007-11-24	13:32:05	Paul Carr	_____________	information about my Chinese ability was on my ad too if you chose to read that.
2007-11-24	13:32:30	_____________	Paul Carr	See misunderstading again.
2007-11-24	13:32:39	_____________	Paul Carr	I said if you could.
2007-11-24	13:32:48	_____________	Paul Carr	I mean I wish you could.
2007-11-24	13:32:53	Paul Carr	_____________	but, it's common courtesty to read an ad.
2007-11-24	13:32:58	Paul Carr	_____________	courtesy
2007-11-24	13:33:15	Paul Carr	_____________	I write if this is my fault.
2007-11-24	13:33:18	Paul Carr	_____________	it's not my fault.
2007-11-24	13:33:20	_____________	Paul Carr	Then you won't think I am improveing English by talking with you and we could understand each other better.
2007-11-24	13:33:37	Paul Carr	_____________	you wrote before that you would e-mail me the next day to explain and you didn't.
2007-11-24	13:34:05	Paul Carr	_____________	this is not a misunderstanding.
2007-11-24	13:34:14	Paul Carr	_____________	I wrote an ad. You could have read it.
2007-11-24	13:34:20	_____________	Paul Carr	Ok. I got it. You won't communicate with me.
2007-11-24	13:34:23	Paul Carr	_____________	the title of the ad was "Looking for a girlfriend".
2007-11-24	13:34:26	Paul Carr	_____________	you can't read that?
2007-11-24	13:34:26	_____________	Paul Carr	You are not willing to.
2007-11-24	13:34:33	_____________	Paul Carr	I understand.
2007-11-24	13:35:02	_____________	Paul Carr	But love a person and be his gf after reading his ad?
2007-11-24	13:35:02	_____________	Paul Carr	Come on.
2007-11-24	13:35:09	_____________	Paul Carr	You are kidding me.
2007-11-24	13:35:16	Paul Carr	_____________	of course, I have to make friends with a person first.
2007-11-24	13:35:22	Paul Carr	_____________	and then become girlfriend/boyfriend.
2007-11-24	13:35:35	Paul Carr	_____________	so you're looking for a boyfriend?
2007-11-24	13:35:49	Paul Carr	_____________	me, kidding?
2007-11-24	13:35:53	Paul Carr	_____________	what am I kidding about?
2007-11-24	13:36:43	_____________	Paul Carr	yes.
2007-11-24	13:36:45	_____________	Paul Carr	I am looking for a gf.
2007-11-24	13:36:51	_____________	Paul Carr	Otherwise I won't add you.
2007-11-24	13:36:52	Paul Carr	_____________	a girlfriend?
2007-11-24	13:36:56	Paul Carr	_____________	you mean boyfriend?
2007-11-24	13:37:07	_____________	Paul Carr	Yes
2007-11-24	13:37:12	_____________	Paul Carr	Made a mistake.
2007-11-24	13:37:14	Paul Carr	_____________	okay.
2007-11-24	13:37:38	_____________	Paul Carr	I meant to wrote you that email with the title I am looking for a bf.
2007-11-24	13:37:50	_____________	Paul Carr	But I thought it wouldn't be good.
2007-11-24	13:38:59	Paul Carr	_____________	you wrote that you would write the next day to explain.
2007-11-24	13:39:00	_____________	Paul Carr	But we even can't communicate with each other politely.
2007-11-24	13:39:01	Paul Carr	_____________	you didn't.
2007-11-24	13:39:06	Paul Carr	_____________	so you won't even say sorry for that.
2007-11-24	13:39:17	Paul Carr	_____________	if you won't say sorry for that, then I guess you will never say sorry for anything to me.
2007-11-24	13:39:22	_____________	Paul Carr	Oh my god. I said I will try to.
2007-11-24	13:39:28	Paul Carr	_____________	let me check.
2007-11-24	13:39:36	_____________	Paul Carr	Which means if I could I will write.
2007-11-24	13:39:48	_____________	Paul Carr	but I don't have time.
2007-11-24	13:40:01	Paul Carr	_____________	I will go to bed. I will write you a email tomorrow to make you clear about all the things. 2007-11-13 23:51:21 _____________ Paul Carr Gnight.
2007-11-24	13:40:33	Paul Carr	_____________	you wrote, "I will go to bed I will write you a email tomorrow to make you clear about all the things".
2007-11-24	13:40:39	Paul Carr	_____________	so, you didn't say you would try to.
2007-11-24	13:40:42	Paul Carr	_____________	you said you would.
2007-11-24	13:40:51	_____________	Paul Carr	I meant to that.
2007-11-24	13:41:02	Paul Carr	_____________	so, you won't say sorry for that. good grief!!
2007-11-24	13:41:13	Paul Carr	_____________	you won't even accept you broke a promise...
2007-11-24	13:42:00	_____________	Paul Carr	If your attitude is not so bad.
2007-11-24	13:42:05	Paul Carr	_____________	oh, come on.
2007-11-24	13:42:07	_____________	Paul Carr	Definitely I will.
2007-11-24	13:42:07	Paul Carr	_____________	don't blame me.
2007-11-24	13:42:10	_____________	Paul Carr	But now I won't.
2007-11-24	13:42:13	Paul Carr	_____________	blame yourself.
2007-11-24	13:42:20	Paul Carr	_____________	no, no, no,
2007-11-24	13:42:22	Paul Carr	_____________	not my attitude.
2007-11-24	13:42:31	Paul Carr	_____________	your attitude is the problem.
2007-11-24	13:42:41	_____________	Paul Carr	ok.
2007-11-24	13:42:43	Paul Carr	_____________	you make a promise and you don't keep it.
2007-11-24	13:42:45	_____________	Paul Carr	Bye.
2007-11-24	13:42:45	Paul Carr	_____________	you lie
2007-11-24	13:42:48	Paul Carr	_____________	bye.

I'm not going to go into great detail about it. Just to say that she wrote that she would write back to me the following day "to make clear all the things". I had questioned her motivations for adding me to her msn messenger list. She didn't write back as promised. And, when we subsequently chatted a few days later, a chat she initiated, I called her out on that and, well, she was flustered and annoyed about that. (*****) I called her out on that and reminded her that she had broke a promise. Anyway, I've barred her now. But, she's cute and I have a weakness for cute girls. :-). Need to work on that. Need to work on getting of that? Dunno. HeHe

Anyway, that's her. (******)

Okay, another slightly, kinda annoying lady. About 3 weeks ago, some lady saw my ad on thatsbj and she texted me on her mobile. Okay, let me rack my brains on this one to see if I can get the facts straight on this one. Okay, as I recall, we texted each other. And, I found her to be not so forthcoming on her information to me. She, at one stage, asked me to phone her back. And I did. And, she invited me to meet her in Haidian district where she lives. Oh, I find the following so so annoying. Okay, in summary, she saw my ad on thatsbj (complete with photos) and a link to my blogs with more photos and she then texts me to ask me if I was ugly. I kid you not!! She texts me to ask me: "Are you ugly?". I replied that she could have and should have seen my photos on my thatsbj ad . They were at the bottom of my ad and then I asked her for her photo. Okay, later that same day, she texts me again asking me to again ring her. Okay, okay, maybe, the first time, she rang me. Yeah, yeah, she rang me. Because she was asking a series of absurd questions (can't remember them now) and I decided not to answer one of her text message questions (probably because the information and the answer to that question was already on my detailed thatsbj/thebeijinger ad. Okay, back to that night, she texts me again asking me to ring her back. Good grief!!. I can't contain myself. This girl, I think she's 24 or 25 or so, actually thinks that boys are like, what's the word I'm looking for, "boy-dolls", yeah, yeah, "boy-dolls". More on this later. Anyway,I didn't ring her back but things starts to get a little, hmm, bitter. Oh, I recall, she said I was rude. Why she said that? Hmm, let me think!!...Okay, okay, I texted her back to say that..oh, I can't remember... hmm. let me think....

Anyway, I texted her back in the end to say, you know, oh, oh, in her final text message I read, she wrote that I wasn't a gentleman and she was looking for a gentleman. Oh, this was too good an opportunity to miss. I texted her back to say that what in fact she was looking for was..... oh I can't remember. But, you know, what I should have wrote, with the wisdom and calmness of hindsight, was, you know, "What you're looking for, my dear, is a boy-doll who will do everything you command it/him to do."."You're not looking for a gentleman". Hmm, I'm still trying to remember exactly what she wrote to me in the final text messages. Gawd, they must have been so boring in their triteness I've forgotten already.

Paul Carr

Oh, the women who annoy me!!!. HeHe. Another girl. Oh, you know, yeah, I accept sometimes I do blow my top... HeHe. But, you know, some of these girls are so so *purposively* annoying. Another girl, I asked her to send me her photo. She is reluctant, saying she wants mine. I reminded her that she saw my thatsbj/thebeijinger ad, and that, well, she could have gone there and saw my photos and found the links to my blogs to see more. Anyway, she sends me her photo and it's tiny. Later, I get a bigger one from her which she e-mails me in return for my sending a link (again) to my blogs. Then, the next day, she, for all intents and purposes, accuses me of lying to her. She said that I had said I would tell her what dress she should wear to some evening event. I reminded her that, you know, she only send me one photo, in which, she was wearing only jeans. I reminded her that, in fact, what I wrote was that I asked her to send me on a number of photos of her in different dresses and I would decide which dress was the best for her to wear to the evening event..(*******) Since, she only sent me one I couldn't compare. But, she claimed that I had, you know, I dunno, broke a promise, deceived her?. Oh, come on. One photo!!. I can't make a judgement on one photo, my dear. She claimed I had a bad memory. You, my dear, have the bad memory. My memory is just fine. Anyway, I kinda lost patience with that girl, telling her via typing on msn messenger, she ought to grow up. And, so on. Anyway, that's that.

Paul Carr

Oh, yeah, the second girl, I wrote about above, I remember now!!. Okay, the girl texts me in the evening, asking me to phone her back. I text her back to ask her, for the second time, to send on her photo to me first and then I'll ring her back. Next, she texts me back to say, "I'm not ugly!". I text her back, firmly, to ask of her, "Stop putting words in my mouth. I didn't say you were ugly". Or, maybe the sentences were transposed" (********). She writes back to say, "I'm not a gentleman" and she's looking for a gentleman. I texted her back to say she wasn't a lady and that she was aggressive, and, maybe, I also wrote that she was dishonest. Can't remember now. I also wrote that I wouldn't read any more of her text messages. Gawd, I have to have a bottom line, otherwise, all these girls, these adventurous, selfish, inconsistant girls will just be using me as their "boy-doll" or one of their "boy-dolls", to humiliate, tease, use, disappoint as often as they like. Not having it. I'm a man and I have dignity rights too.

Okay, enough written.

Paul Carr

(*) Simply put, without the philosophical bullshit, Everybody deserves to be happy!!.

(**) Potential Artist and Philosopher!!. Hmm, maybe, an opportunity for a lusty sugardaddy to step in and train her in these areas with Sugardaddy or Sugardaddys being rewarded with sumptuous sights of her body clad in all sorts of daring tight clothing, or, plain old sex, or nursing, or mammy nursing and so on. Oh, such a wonderful lady who really appreciates a man's help in her quest to conquer the planet, even if it's just one man.

(***) Another opportunity for a Sugardaddy to be trained by her, and her vivacious young lithe, flexible and fast and strong body...

(****) I can imagine a guy blowing his built up load at the point where she comes to that final, "Sporty" in her husky voice, I imagine. I love a physical young thing.

(*****). She said she had wrote that she had said that she "tried" to write back to me via e-mail the next day. So, I reproduced what she wrote, i.e. I called her out on that one. Somebody had got to do it, honey, in order to point out to her, that indeed, she wrote she would do it and there was nothing about "try". So, you know, honey, yeah, I'm entitled to be annoyed about that because, guess what, I've got feelings too!!.

(******). Oh, and one final parting shot on her. She finally says in her msn chat with me, that, guess what, she had decided not to send me an e-mail after all because of my bad attitude. Oh, my god, dear, you really do enjoy dishing out punishment!!. Just work on your honesty and transparency in the future, my dear, and you'll be okay.. Goodbye.

(*******) In fact, during our final msn messenger chat, i asked her to send me on more photos of her and she said, emphatically, No.. Right, girl, you sent me just one photo previously, and you want me to tell you which fucking dress you should wear to the evening event. Fuck woman, you are fucking impossible. Another gal,who is impossible to please!!. Jesus, just grow up and try to take life and relationships and friendships more seriously because you don't take them half seriously enough.(*********)

(********). Actually, I'm pretty certain that they were..

(*********) Hmm, maybe, she was thinking that, as soon as I saw her face and body (in order jeans and top) in the first and only big photo she sent me, then, you know, I should know what sort of fucking dress she should wear to the evening dress event. I'd at last know her boy type or, as she wrote in our msn chat, she's "strong", saying she's 170 cm tall and all that. Like I'm a fucking expert on that or something. I'm a man, my dear, I appreciate visual photos with some posing, thank you very much, as well as sultry eyes and gaze.

Message of Hate.

2007-11-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, here's the background. On the 9th of November, I had this chat on msn messenger with some woman (I presume). It goes:

Date	Time	From	To	Message
2007-11-9	16:53:12	________________	Paul Carr	hey paul
2007-11-9	16:53:21	Paul Carr	________________	hi
2007-11-9	16:53:28	________________	Paul Carr	busy chatting huh
2007-11-9	16:53:30	________________	Paul Carr	>
2007-11-9	16:53:31	________________	Paul Carr	?
2007-11-9	16:53:34	Paul Carr	________________	no..
2007-11-9	16:53:42	________________	Paul Carr	and?
2007-11-9	16:53:48	Paul Carr	________________	you added me, honey...
2007-11-9	16:54:01	________________	Paul Carr	yeah i remember
2007-11-9	16:54:13	________________	Paul Carr	er...
2007-11-9	16:54:19	________________	Paul Carr	where to start
2007-11-9	16:54:22	________________	Paul Carr	hehe
2007-11-9	16:54:45	Paul Carr	________________	how about,"I saw your ad on thatsbj and I like you and I decided to add you"?
2007-11-9	16:55:06	________________	Paul Carr	en...
2007-11-9	16:55:12	________________	Paul Carr	not exactly
2007-11-9	16:55:15	________________	Paul Carr	kekeke...
2007-11-9	16:55:20	Paul Carr	________________	Keke?
2007-11-9	16:55:27	________________	Paul Carr	kekeke means hehehe
2007-11-9	16:55:30	________________	Paul Carr	Malaysian way
2007-11-9	16:55:35	________________	Paul Carr	<:o)
2007-11-9	16:55:39	Paul Carr	________________	anything else before I bar you?

Anyway, I barred her. I've deleted and replaced her name. Okay, about two hours later, I receive an e-mail from somebody. I didn't recognise the e-mail address. It wasn't even on my blocked list on msn messenger. I did recognise her Chinese name as someone I had fallen out with before but, I don't think it was her, because this other person/woman who also have this Chinese name never added me, to the best of my knowledge, to msn messenger. So, I'm thinking it must have been the lady who I was chatting with above (see transcript above). Although, I'm still guessing here because the name and e-mail she gave above was different to the name and e-mail address she gave in her e-mail. Anyway, the title of the e-mail was alluring and friendly. So, I opened it. It was simply entitled, "good luck". I opened it and found this message of hate. It goes:

Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2007 17:08:23 +0800
From: ____________________
To: worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
Subject: good luck

hi paul, u know i actually saw a lot of replies to your ad calling u ass A hole before I actually added to. I was thinking maybe people got u wrong and u might be looking for something that just makes yourself feel real. So I added you. Anyway, I do regret I did so and glad u've blocked me and are out of my list now.

oh ya, just by the way, if you've decided to be a blooding buster, make sure u get out of China, roll back to ur own country and kiss your own ass. Be civilised and behave in here. YOU ARE A FOREINGER, and this is not ur home. remember.

still wish you good luck with whatever u do though.

bye.

Wish me good luck, my arse!!! She goes, "roll back to your own country". I think she's taking a direct translation from the Chinese, from the word, "gun" in pinyin, meaning, basically, "fuck off". Anyway, I replied with the following:

To be honest, I don't even know who you are.

First of all, YOU LIE. You did not see a lot of replies to my ad calling me an asshole because I don't see these replies. You didn't see any replies to my ad calling me an asshole.

Yes, i am a foreigner in China or as you put it, I am A FOREIGNER. And, I am very brave to come to a foreign country, without speaking the language, and trying to learn about China, it's culture, and people and language. I'd like to see you, whoever you are, go to a foreign country, where you don't speak the language and see how you get on.

I'm not looking for someone to make me feel real. I'm looking for a girlfriend. This information was on my present ad is about looking for a girlfriend. With lots of detail about myself. I'm looking for a girlfriend because I am happy and I want to share my happiness with someone else.

You are a coward who hides behind the anonymity and mask of the internet to write dismissive and aggressive comments about other people you don't know and probably haven't met.

A summary of your e-mail should be "FUCK YOU IN CHINA AND GO HOME. I HATE FOREIGNERS".

Well, i'm not going home because I love China, the people here and culture, even if there are a few rotten apples such as yourself. it's the same in every country. You are probably another one of these guys who pathologically offer no compliments to a foreigner, any compliments whatsoever to a foreigner. You never say, "WELCOME TO CHINA", it's always criticism and what you can get from the next foreign sucker. By the way, I checked my msn messenger friends list, and I don't see your address, whoever you are, ____________, listed on my blocked list.

You are a coward. And, you are not going to stop me from learning more about China. You are one of the very few exceptions to the general rule that the Chinese people have been most welcoming to me in this country. YOu don't intimidate me. And, yes, I AM A FOREIGNER. Do you have a problem with that? Whoever you are, it would appear that, in the past, and as I say, I don't even remember who you are, are you sure we met online or otherwise?, I slighted you or insulted you or hurt your feelings somehow and how do you reply? You reply by saying something like - I don't like China and so I should get out.

Grow up.

Goodbye and, by the way, I won't be reading your reply.

Paul Carr

P.S. Of course, your pathetic email you have just sent me is your substitute for your pathological inability to say sorry to me or anybody else.

P.P.S. I have NO IDEA what a "blooding" buster is. You advise me to "be civilised and behave in here". You mean behave in a way that pleases you? No, thanks. I don't like to please selfish people. And, I am civilised. You're not. And, yes, I know China is not my home. I don't need you to remind me of that. But, I love it here anyway.

Again, I've blanked out her e-mail address.

I think I know what you're thinking. Why bother about this? You're right!!. I guess some of my blogs are devoted to these hateful women these days. But, the way I see it, if I receive messages of hate, I am entitled to report on it to a wider forum, i.e. the internet and share with you all. But, yeah, I know, they're not worth it. I'm 33 years old. Why get myself a stroke, paralysing one side of my body over this? Just forget her and the likes of her. I think she's another girl who just thinks I like dating woman. Okay, and what's wrong with that? I don't deceive, do I? I try to be nice to all my dates. But, I'm not going to be bullied. And, you know, it's interesting to meet these women, first on-line, and, then, maybe, meet them later. You have no idea just how many Chinese women add me (and men too). I have to bar lots, otherwise, I would have too many friends on my msn friends list. Sorry about that. It's nothing personal most of the time. About 3 weeks ago, I did a bit of spring cleaning, barring loads of addresses of people who added me, seeing some ad of mine on the internet, maybe looking for friends, or a date or a girlfriend or whatever but, hey, they never chatted with me, so, yeah, I barred them. And, you know, I'm going to continue with this policy. Still, some people are critical of me for it.(*) Most of these people who add me, in my opinion, although, I have stated clearly on the thatsbj/thebeijinger ad for example, that I am looking for a girlfriend, add me because, frankly, they just want a language partner. This is admirable in itself but not what I'm looking for. What I find annoying and found annoying is that many of these Chinese girls don't even read my ad. Yeah, they go to the "men seeking women" section of thebeijinger website in the classified personals section, looking for mobile phone numbers and msn messenger addresses and then add you, and then, oh so annoying, when they start chatting with you, often deny initially they added you and ask you crass questions like, "how come you're on my msn messenger list?" As if it were my responsibility!!. Very cocky. Very selfish. (**) And of course very dishonest.

But, anyway, to be honest, I kinda like it, taking these people on. But, you know, I'm 33 years old now. I'm getting older, I think, wiser too, and, you know, I need to think more constructively than whistle blowing on these creeps. Yeah, girls can be creeps too. During my late teens and twenties and into my early thirties, I couldn't consciously orgasm and, you know, I had this fantasy of women being, you know, virtuous, so so kind and noble. Rubbish!!. Women are just as capable of hate as men. I can see that now. So, what annoys me about this latest women. Oh, where to begin. Like, she didn't even read my ad, for a start. You know, the one where I say I'm looking for a girlfriend. Her outright lie, an outright lie, because she knows it's a lie, that she saw lots of replies to my ad calling me an asshole. Where are those replies? I'd like to see them.

Anyway, I'm going to continue to post my ad, "looking for a chinese girlfriend" but, it looks like I'm going to get my share of creeps in the process. This has been a post I have been thinking of writing for a week now. So, it has been incubating in my head. Oh, I wanted to talk about "foreigner haters" and, yeah, unfortunately, like other countries, there are foreigner haters in China just like everywhere else. I will say though that the vast majority, okay, a solid 80% of people who reply to my thatsbj ad and my other ads on the internet looking for a girlfriend, are genuinely welcoming and I thank you for that. Oh, this girl above deigns to tell me, you know, "do as the Chinese do", on her terms, otherwise, I should "roll out" out of the country. She writes in capitals, YOU ARE A FOREIGNER. What does that mean? Does that mean I should put up with your crap? No, thanks. Sure, I agree, do as the Chinese do. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. I agree absolutely. But, I won't be bullied. If you can't understand that, then, I guess you'll be continuing to write inciteful hateful e-mails anonymously (almost) to more internet contacts in the future. Such a condescending tone in her e-mail. "This is not your home, remember", she drones. I think she hates foreigners, all foreigners, and she just is looking for a excuse, like a stretched rubber band, to attack any foreigner who just, in the slightest way, slights her or offends or activates her prejudice, namely, that foreigners in China are clueless idiots who deserve to be lectured by her. Anyway, I've written enough on this.

And, yeah, okay, maybe, in the future, I should let go of all this nonsense and write on more constructive matters. Forget these idiots. If so many people are adding you, Paul, frankly, there is always going to be clueless idiots who are going to be hostile to you. Stand up to them!!!. By Jove, I will!!. By the Gods, I will!!

Paul Carr

(*) Okay, let me elaborate. These critics are saying, I think, most of them are women, if not all of them, they are saying that, you know, I just want to have sex with all these girls and then dump them.(i.e. I just want one-night stands with them and then leave them and break their hearts) I can tell you, this is not the case. I want to meet them, as some of them want to meet me, we see if we are compatible with each other, and, you know, maybe, of course, there will be sex. But, that is a case-by-case basis. It's wrong for women to dismiss me and say, "Oh, he just wants sex". Rubbish. I have feelings and emotions too. I have deeper needs too of companionship and love. I'm looking for a meaningful relationship and meaningful sex within that relationship. About 2 months ago, I wrote an ad on thatsbj/thebeijinger, admitting I was lonely (I have since editted that part out). A woman replied to me, to say, okay, I'll look after you, I'll take care of you. Yeah, so it's okay for a man to say he'll look after a girl who is lonely or alone but, it's not okay for a women to say the same thing to a man when he says and bravely admits he too is sometimes lonely? So, I thought that was meaningful. So, I met her and, yeah, we did try to have sex. I figured I was lonely and so it was worth mentioning that. So, we were propelled towards sex (at least from my point of view), because I saw meaning, perhaps, not the deepest of meanings, I admit, but some sort of meaning, superficial though it may be. I don't regret it (**)and perhaps, in the future, I will edit my ad again to say, you know, that sometimes, I am lonely. Men have feelings too just like women. Men can feel vulnerable and lonely and afraid too, just like women. So, women lecturers, please spare me your lectures. You want to know about me, then read my blogs. There are a lot of posts. Learn my history and, perhaps, just perhaps, you will understand. Don't dismiss me or paint me as something I am not because of a prejudice you have, you have formulated and are unable to let go of.

(**). Unfortunately, presently, I am not talking to this woman. That is another story which I am not detailing on this blog post.

More Musings.

2007-11-03T02:20:00.000-07:00

What else to write about?

Hmm, let me think.... Hmmm...

Paul Carr

Outside of stewing in resentment(*) over dishonest girly girls, I can't think right now what to write about. Bear with me, people. You know, coming to a new country where I don't speak the language, isn't easy. Right now, I'm looking for a girlfriend, a partner, someone to share my life with. And, you know, it's not easy to do that. All of this is waffly waffle. But, I can't think right now of what to write about. [sighs].

I just like to get these horrible girls off my chest. I think I learn about myself in the process by sharing the experiences of nasty dishonest girly girls with you all. Hmm, but, you know, yeah, I can write about more interesting things. Like....sex...

Oh, I forgot. Yeah, yeah, something to write about. About a week ago, someone sent me a cryptic message. I didn't know who it was. On my mobile phone. Okay, it went something like this. "There's more to life than sex. Two people (together. i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend or friends) should enjoy the simple things in life, not just sex. When we enjoy the simple things in life, then we will become truly happy". I'm paraphrasing. I had deleted the original message.

Anyway, I replied asking who this person was. No reply to that. But, anyway, let me reply here to what this mystery person wrote.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. But, you ought to understand me, mystery, I presume, woman. You ought to understand me and where I come from. Until I was 32 and a half years ald, I never EVER had a conscious orgasm as a result of masturbation.(**) Never. I think because I never thought it was possible to do so. Perhaps, I had given up long ago. And, then, last year, around the end of September, I popped, blew my load, viewing some photos of this godly goddess dominatrix (***) I had found on the internet and after reading her dismissive bitchy messages about "queening" her boys and "milking" them and "mammy nursing" them. Oh, she has such a wicked imagination and is so so willing to accommodation the wild, free imagination of her male worshipers/sponsors.

My point is: until then, I couldn't consciously orgasm. Think about that, until the age of 32 and a half. You see, this is part of my story. So, mystery text message woman (I assume you are a woman). I don't know who you are. A previous date perhaps? I'm not obsessed with sex.

All I'm telling you is that before I had my first conscious orgasm EVER IN MY LIFE as a result of masturbation (and, yeah, I had masturbated before but without conscious orgasm), I didn't think enough about sex. That's right. In the words of some hurtful Japanese chap I briefly met with his Japanese girlfriend in Canada back in 1995, I was sexless. More-or-less. That is a problem. So, yeah, now I talk about sex, think about sex and I hope I do so enough.

And, you write about the little things in life. They're important. Yes, I agree with you. But, to my mind, to enjoy the small things in life, one must first be in touch with one's own sexuality and be comfortable and happy with that and I think I am. I hope you understand. So, don't be angry!!. Sex is important but I am not obsessed with it. Merely interested in it. Okay?

Paul Carr (again)

Thought of a new title for this blog post:

Looking for more inspiration:

I also like to write about a girl (30 years old) I met about 6 weeks ago. [sighs]. Okay, I had written an ad on thatsbj and elsewhere and in this ad, I admitted I was lonely. She saw this ad and e-mailed me. She wrote that, you know, she'd look after me/care for me when I'm lonely. I'm paraphrasing. So, anyway, I met her. I invited her back to my apartment the first night but she refused. But, on the second night, she did, as I recall. [sighs]. I really don't want to talk much about this, to be honest. We kinda split up. Where we really boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't know. [sighs]. I had a financial problem and she had promised me some money (a very temporary loan) to pay for a new 1 year contract for my rented apartment but, the next day, she refused to give me the extra money when we went to the office to pay the rent desposit. I had promised the rent people I would pay all the money but, because you now refused me the extra cash, contrary to what she had promised before, I now couldn't do that. I admit her english wasn't all that good, pretty bad actually. I was furious. And, you know, I'm sensitive about money. [sighs]. Anyway. We kinda split up. You know. Hmmm. Anyhow, I got the money from my bank card later, much to my joy and relief. I'm not going to go into these technicalities. I'm kinda reluctant to talk about her on this blog, to describe her in her entirety. I'm written enough about this for now.

My point is: she saw my blog. At that time, I wrote I was lonely and, sometimes, I am lonely. What's wrong with writing that on my blog? What's wrong with writing I'm lonely? It's true. I'm single and sometimes lonely. Is the fact, that I write I'm lonely mean I'm going to attract the wrong kind of girl? Oh, come on, Paul. I'm just being truthful to myself and others. Am I supposed to tell the girls, you know, my life is just one long success story and getting more successful. Come on. I want to be authentic. I want to tell you, you know, I want to be mammied and breast fed too. I want to cuddle up to my woman and for her to give me a hug. What's wrong with that? For fuck's sake...

:-)

Paul Carr

(*) and hate.

(**) I had wet dreams, yes. Orgasms, whilst sleeping, or very very relaxed and semi-asleep, early early in the morning. Yes, I had those before the end of September 2006. They were infrequent. Maybe, you know, 5 or 6 in a whole fuckin' year!!. Since, learning to consciously orgasm, I've been having maybe 2 orgasms a day if I have time, otherwise one, if I'm busy.

(***) She was an exquisite Asian Thai. So beautiful, a Goddess.

Another thing I want to talk about. Today I thought about this. During this summer, I met with this pretty Chinese girl (24 years old) and, she herself felt she wasn't pretty. Anyway. Hmm. [sighs]. She's not contacting with me or talking with me now. I wonder why. I think I know. Because I had the cockiness, the nerve to write during an msn chat about August that, "I'd like to have sex with you." Just like that. Paul Carr, you like to upset the apple cart. HeHe. But, who else is going to fuckin' do it? She? I don't think so. So, I threw it out there. Later, much later, we kinda split up, this was after she had visited my apartment again and we had dinner in a restaurant and all that, later, I phoned her and she told me I was scaring her. And, then I told her, you know, okay, I won't contact you again. But, you know, I think the problems started with that moment of cockiness on my part, "I want to have sex with you." As a result of that, I think she barred me on msn. Yup. Well, fuck it, I shot myself in the foot but, I'm only human. So, I made a mistake. So what am I going to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell more girls, at least one more I hope, that, you know, I want to sleep with you. and, you know what, not just typing the thing on msn messenger but also saying it to her in my own voice and into her own delicate ears. Damn right. So, the girl I just talked about is a little sensitive? I don't know. But, hell. I'm going to get up, dust myself down and get on with my life and my strategy. Okay. I've written about this girl before in any case. So, I'm not going to rehash the old ground. Just to tell you now, that I'm going to soldier on.. And, I shouldn't be deterred by the thought that, "If I said I wanted sex with her, she wouldn't talk with me again. So I don't ask her such a forward question". Wrong!! I will ask her such an honest question. I will tell her that this is what I want. Because, you know, that's what guy's do. I don't want to be masturbating every evening at home. I want a real woman to explore my sexuality with and hers. Okay. Right.

Next Annoying Person - Hissy Fit.

2007-11-03T02:19:00.000-07:00

More Annoying women (woman).

15:17 2007-11-3

Okay, gotta talk about this one. Last week, this woman texts me. She saw my ad on thatsbj, I think. Anyway. She asks me, "Are you looking for a girl in Beijing?". I text her back to say, you know, if you had read my ad, you would know the answer to that question. Anyway, our conversation continued later that night and the following day. And, whoaa!!, she later wrote that, hey, I WAS RUDE, for suggesting to her that she read my ad to find the information to the question she asked. Honey, take the dark glasses off.. Yeah, I think you are 1) rude, 2), you dislike all foreigners 3), aggressive and 4), ah, 4), ah, ah, an idiot, and 5), let me think,,, think, [racks brain], yeah, yeah, dishonest!!. So, let's get this straight, I'm rude for just pointing out to you, because I like to think of myself as an honest guy, just for pointing out to you, like a nice guy I think would, just pointing out to you, the fact that you didn't read my ad and if you had, you would have gotten the information about "are you looking for a girlfriend in Beijing?". And, for the benefit of those tuning into my blog and reading this, yeah, as a matter of fact, my ad makes it unambiguously clear that I am looking for a girlfriend in Beijing. Like I said, I'm looking for someone to live with me in my apartment. So, come on. Reality check, people!!.

Oh!!....

2007-11-03T02:18:00.000-07:00

07年11月3日15:04:44

Okay, I'm writing about another woman, a kinda nasty woman, I “met”, virtually, on the internet earlier this week. Oh, so so annoying!! It's Saturday afternoon and, you know, with nothing much to do, I'm stewing in hate, recalling the nasty women who have been doing mind fucks on me. Oh, nasty women!!. This is one. Anyway, I'm writing about her to my blog to get her off my head, let off my steam and perhaps get her off my loins. Oh.

Anyway, I've removed references to her in the e-mail I just sent her moments ago, giving her a good telling off, a male bitch rant so-to-speak. Oh, I really really , oh, oh, hate, these morally upright, morally superior women (they give me a right hard-on though). Anyway, she went off line.(probably barred me) But, anyway.

Broadly speaking, as written before, I just find this sort of woman annoying. You can read more in the e-mail below. Okay, 'nuff said.

*********************************************************

Dear ________________,

My name is Paul Carr. We had a conversation earlier this week on msn messenger. You saw my ad on thatsbj, I think, and added me. In fact, here's a record of our conversation below to jog your memory.

Date	Time	From	To	Message
2007-10-29	20:20:19	Paul Carr	________________	Hi. Who are you?
2007-10-29	20:22:03	________________	Paul Carr	oh,I get your msn for that's bj
2007-10-29	20:22:10	________________	Paul Carr	I am ________________
2007-10-29	20:22:12	Paul Carr	________________	ok. where are you?
2007-10-29	20:22:16	________________	Paul Carr	beijing
2007-10-29	20:22:20	Paul Carr	________________	ok
2007-10-29	20:22:43	________________	Paul Carr	May I know your name
2007-10-29	20:22:53	Paul Carr	________________	but my name is on my ad...
2007-10-29	20:23:03	________________	Paul Carr	Paul
2007-10-29	20:23:05	________________	Paul Carr	?
2007-10-29	20:23:06	Paul Carr	________________	yes.
2007-10-29	20:23:11	________________	Paul Carr	ok
2007-10-29	20:25:50	Paul Carr	________________	so why did you add me?
2007-10-29	20:26:14	________________	Paul Carr	I want to make some friend
2007-10-29	20:27:49	Paul Carr	________________	But, I'm not looking for a friend, I'm looking for a girlfriend. I presume you read the title of my ad at least which read, "Looking for a Chinese girlfriend"...
2007-10-29	20:28:07	________________	Paul Carr	OK
2007-10-29	20:28:25	________________	Paul Carr	first we make friends,then maybe more
2007-10-29	20:28:34	________________	Paul Carr	if you don't like this way,it's ok
2007-10-29	20:28:38	________________	Paul Carr	up to you
2007-10-29	20:33:47	Paul Carr	________________	but I don't think you really want to be my girlfriend because you don't read my blogs (the links to which are on my introduction) or, otherwise, have any intelligent questions to ask me....

You claim that you wanted to be my friend. I don't believe you.. As you can see above we chatted very briefly for 13 minutes. In that time, you didn't ask me one intelligent question. The only question you asked me was "May I know your name" and, like I said, you could have read my ad and found that information but you didn't read my ad.

Here's what I think. You SCANNED my ad looking for msn e-mails. (*) You're not looking for either a friend or a boyfriend. You are looking for a LANGUAGE PARTNER. A word of advice: Don't look in the "boy seeking girl"/"men seeking women" section of the thatsbj/thebeijinger website for a language partner. You look in the "Language exchange" section. Understand?

After I wrote my last words above. You went offline. Perhaps, you barred me. You know what I think. I think you hide beside a mask of self-righteousness and self-delusion. (**) You know what I think. I think 1), you are dishonest, 2), you DISLIKE ALL FOREIGNERS and 3), you are aggressive.

You weren't looking for a friend. You are lying by saying so. And, I'm not going to read your reply if you were inclined in that direction. Frankly, I just think you are pathetic. I've barred you on msn messenger too by-the-way.

In response to your remark that "first we make friends and then maybe more": first of all, actually, no, you don't want to be my friend (***). You lie. You never asked me any questions other than what is my name (the answer to which was on my ad which you didn't read). So, you know, friends ask each other questions. You didn't ask me any. So, no, you don't want to be my friend (***). Okay. Next, yeah, of course, I agree with you. Sure, lovers are friends first. As you say, first friends, maybe more. But, you don't respect men, you dislike men I think. In the words of that truly awful song, "Only a woman, only a woman can know". (****) Oh, good grief, spare me!!. SO GROW UP.

Yeah, grow up. So, let's see. You flash some photos of your pretty self on the msn messenger window and all men are then supposed to worship at your bitchy temple. Men are not that easy to trample upon. And if you think they are, I can assure you, they'll lose interest in you quick enough.

Paul Carr

(*) You scanned my ad and you didn't read it. Many Chinese women claim to have read my ad but they didn't. My reply: Learn English and, in particular, learn the definition of the verb "to read".

(**) In other words, you are a feckin' hypocrite. You a self-deluded liar. As I say, GROW UP.

(***) And, you never wanted to be my friend.

(****). In other words, you hide behind this mask of self-righteousness and a sense of your moral superiority over men. Come back to Planet Earth. Otherwise, you're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life, honey...

******************************************************

More Editions.

2007-11-03T02:17:00.000-07:00

Well,you know, I was thinking that I could do a further slight change or clarification to my ad. So, below, you can see the red highlighted bit where I have made some changes. :-D

**************************************************************************************

I'm a 33 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm 174 cm tall on my bare feet. I'm from Ireland originally.

I'm looking for a Chinese sex partner in Beijing. A fuck buddy. I want to practice sex. I don't have much experience in sexual intercourse or foreplay so I like to acquire more. I don't like one night stands. I'd like to have a longer term sexual partner. I'd like to have more meaningful sex, a more meaningful sexual experience. This would be better over a longer period of time. We can have fun together, learn from each other. Enjoy ourselves and each other. I love to dress up my partner in sexy clothes. So, you see, I'm looking for an open-minded girl.

I rent a 2 bedroom apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I'm looking for a girlfriend, or a sex partner, not a roommate.

I've been in Beijing for nearly 15 months now as of the 20th of October 2007 and I love it here I'm thinking of making a new life for myself here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. We can have an intense day-to-day language exchange. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her. I'm a beginner in Chinese.

I always make a special effort to be 100 per cent honest with whoever I meet. I don't think anyone can be 100 per cent honest all the time but I do think we all ought to try to do that, to strive to be as honest as possible in our daily lives both with ourselves and with others. So, yes, I am seeking an honest woman, a good communicator.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and try to lead a stress free lifestyle.

I view life as a challenge. I want to rise to the challenge and enjoy life. No life is honky-dory. There are ups and downs and pitfalls on the way. It's a rollercoaster ride but it's not necessarily always fun.

I'm looking for a physically fit, independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded. I'm seeking a woman who believes, like me, that happiness is like an apple on an apple tree. Just reach up and take it.

I keep blogs here:

http://paulcarr74.livedigital.com/blog
http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com
http://europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com

More Sexually explicit blogs here:

http://paulcarr.blogspot.com
http://paulcarr.livedigital.com/blog

In the above two blogs, I write about what goes through my mind (for example my sexual fantasies) as I masturbate in the run-up to my orgasm. It has been a very interesting project for me.

My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
My e-mail is paulcarr1974@yahoo.ie
You can phone or text me at 13521715098.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

*******************************************************************

More Annoyances.

2007-11-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

More Annoyances.

I'm sorry for always throwing a hissy fit whenever I write to my blog. This annoyance... that annoyance.. It goes on and on. I guess I'm a combative person. But, you know, I figure to write anything is better than to write nothing at all. Yes, this is testimony to the power of blogs and diaries. It doesn't really matter who reads it. It's about you first and foremost. Hell, the people who read my blogs, and they're very very few, are almost all Chinese and probably can't really read it anyway.

Actually, I was planning to write to my blog last Saturday but have postponed until today. I'm 33. And I'm lonely and alone. But, to be honest, I'm rather happy. Maybe, I'm just too content in my introspective ways. I need to get out more, like that guy on chinadaily suggested to me in his trademark combative manner. Sure.

Anyway, true to form, I'm going to write about NASTY PEOPLE. Yeah, you guessed it. First of all, I want to write about this girl who added me to her msn messenger friends list about 2 days ago. Okay, she probably wasn't nasty but I figure she was dishonest. She added me and, you know,..nothing. I added her immediately. I do that, you know. Someone sees my ad on thatsbj/thebeijinger or wherever I add them no-questions-asked. Anyway, so I ask her who she is and where she's from. I always do this. [sighs]. Well, she's not very forthcoming on information. So anyway. I remind her I'm looking for a girlfriend. I tell her that was on my ad. Oh, she asked me one question. It was "What's your name?". To which I replied, "My name is on my ad". About 10 seconds later she goes, "Paul, right?". Okay, yeah, I reply. Anyway, I tell her, as written on the ad, I'm looking for a girlfriend. She says, gasp, oh sure but let's be friends first. I mean this is so fucking obvious. What am I supposed to say in reply? I agree with you? Anyway, I went, "But you don't ask me any questions, intelligent questions nor have you read my blogs the links of which were on my blogs, so i don't think you want to be my girlfriend". At this point, she goes off line. Pretty sure, she barred me. But, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I mean, come on. of course, I know that one must be friends first before girlfriend/boyfriend. But, here's the thing. She didn't ask me any questions and, you know, aren't friends, especially friends, who may in the future may become a romantic/sex item, ask each other questions. And, hey, the ball was in her court. I had gone to the trouble of writing my introduction on thebeijinger website in the personals section, in the men seeking women section so, you know, she had some information about me already if she had taken the trouble of reading it. (I believe she didn't) and she could have taken the opportunity to ask me intelligent follow-up questions which she didn't. So, yeah, I'm fed up with this. I suppose, in hindsight, I should have said, yeah, I agree with you, friends first, not boyfriend/girlfriend, but, hey, you don't ask me any questions anyway. so you know, you know what I think, darling, you are looking for a LANGUAGE PARTNER. You're just another one of these Chinese chicks (Oh, I saw her series of pics on the msn messenger window, I'm partial to the pretty girls, she was wonderful, and you know...) Anyway, I digress. You know, these chinese girls, they go to the boys seeking girls section of the personal classified section of the thebeijinger website and HARVEST the e-mail addresses and phone numbers and, you know, THEY DON'T READ THE ADS. Yeah, yeah, I believe this to be true because I have challenged quite a few of them on this. Oh, so annoying!!. I've got an axe to grind about that. And, yeah, it is dishonest and, yeah, I think they do so becaue THEY HAVE A DISLIKE FOR FOREIGNERS.. Anyway, that's that. What else to write about.

About last week, I had just got out of the subway station and was cutting across to a nearby MacDonalds. As I'm wont to do, I was reading a book, a Chinese dictionary, picture that, reading a dictionary. ;-). Anyway, out of nowwhere this Chinese chick (another one. ;-)) puts a flyer on top of my dictionary, as I was walking, reading my dictionary, like that, puts it on top of my dictionary, so that, you know, I can't read it. IT'S SO SO RUDE!!. And, they are so so aggressive for doing so. Anyway, in annoyance, I brush the thing off my book, it falls to the ground and I continue to walk. Behind, I hear some guy speaking Chinese, I believe speaking in my direction, towards me, saying something, probably, I believe, along the lines, I guess, of, "Hey, pick that up, you foreign twat!". HeHe. Well, I don't know about that. But, kinda scary. I don't know what he said. But, really, here was this bitch placing an ad for something on top of my dictionary, whilst I was minding my own business, reading my dictionary, but now, suddenly, unable to, because of the flyer placed on top of it, I respond by brushing it off so that it fell to the ground, and then a male colleague of hers, perhaps in a fit of protecting his damsel in distress, actually, there were about 8 or 9 in this gang of "thugs", at this point, at this place, distributing the leaflets, and anyway, the male guy calling out after me, I presume to say, "You shouldn't litter the ground like that", (polite) "Pick that up, bad foreigner" (more blunt) "Pick that up, it's against the law to do that". I think this was probably what he said. But here's the thing. What about the bitch who placed the fucking flyer on my dictionary. I didn't ask for it. I was minding my own business. Was it my crime that I was walking in the wrong fucking place at the wrong fucking time? Did I glance in her direction and nod approvingly as if to say, yeah, give me one of those things. No, I didn't! She just aggressively placed it on my dictionary, which she knew I was reading. [sighs]. Anyway, yeah, with the wisdom of hindsight, I realise that, yeah, I think I shouldn't have littered the ground like that. They're assholes, that doesn't mean I should act like one in response. Next time, when faced with a similar situation, I'll just politely give the lady or gent back the leaflet without so much as a glance at it, giving her/him brief eye contact and faintly smiling. Okay, that's that.

Okay, I'm going to quickly write about two bloody nasty people.[correction: just one]

The first girl, she's 20 years old, maybe 19. I befriended her over the summer. [sighs]. And, she was hot. Lovely. Maybe 164 cm tall. Nice slim figure. Met her on the internet. I think she saw my ad. Anyway, she's a student in a university here in Beijing and, well, she visited my apartment a few times, very hot, wearing very hot and sexy clothes. At least I thought. :-). [sighs]. Anyway, she had told me that she suffered from pain (*) but, nevertheless, she did rigorous training in volleyball, playing at a competitive college/university level. She also told me that she had a boy, who she knew well from high school, but with whom she had kinda "split up" because he had gone to study in another university in another city. But, since, he has been ringing her, I would say obsessively, almost every day and, you know what, she would pick up the phone and not talk to him, just listen while, sometimes, the boy, I think two years older than her, would bawl his eyes out, saying he missed her and she was the only one for him and so on. I gave her my advice. Let him go. Leave him. Ignore his calls. Be independent. [sighs]. Anyway, she had invited me to some media event. I guess I wasn't in the best of moods on the day and, to be honest, her spoken english is frankly bad and, to be honest, it's difficult for me to communicate meaningfully with such people in the absense of my speaking Chinese. I found she was rude to me and I left her just as we had nearly arrived at the gate of the venue for the event. I made an excuse at the time about my friend calling me and I had to go. Oh, I was TOO NICE to her. But, anyway. [sighs]. The next day, she goes back to her home province. She wrote to me about a month later saying she'd like to meet me again and then about 10 days ago, I wrote to her again saying I'd be happy to meet her. In fact, I had replied to her e-mail at the end of August saying the same thing and, this time, unlike my e-mail in August, she replies, rather nastily.

First of all, she says, she's together with this boy again, you know, the boy who was calling her, (and frankly, in my opinion, terrorising her) and they were happy together). And, then for the rest of her e-mail, she throws in my direction A HYMN OF HATE, saying she doesn't understand me because of my blogs, saying she doesn't want to meet me again and so on. Well, yeah, I was shocked but, first of all, I replird with a meek e-mail congratulating her on getting back together with her old boyfriend/"thug?"/"bully?". Kinda a serious chappy. Anyway, you know, [sighs]. I was wanking away for 5 minutes to 10 minutes after receiving this bitchy dismissive e-mail from this superior dominatrix and being, blowing my load, so, maybe, this would also explain my initial meek reply. But, over the next 2 or 3 days, I stewed in anger. Yeah, during this time, I lost my fucking wallet, including all my bank cards and Irish driver's license and 2900 RMB in cash to pay for the fucking dentist who make a fortune out of me, what with root channel treatment and wisdom tooth extractions and all that. But, anyway. About 3 days later, I fire off another e-mail. This time, TAKING HER ON. Oh, she intimidating and scary and deliberately so. Oh, what a nasty piece of work. Anyway, here's my e-mail below. Her name has been scored out.

********************************************************

_______,

I must admit your remark that I have a problem with friendship really hurt me. (***) I'd like to say two things in reply.

1). I've been in China for 15 months. I'm new to this country. I hardly spoke a word of Chinese when I first came here. I'd like to see you go abroad to a foreign country where you don't speak the language or hardly at all and see how you handle it.

2). Let's talk about the time where you invited me to that media event.

I OFFERED TO PAY FOR THE TAXI AND YOU REFUSED.(*) Instead, you insisted on taking the bus. And, you were very slow about it, despite speaking Chinese.

You were late for that event. DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME YOURSELF.

When we got off the bus, you said to me "Hurry Up". I found you incredibly rude!!. I thought I was a guest and you were treating me, no, you were blaming me for your being late. (****)

DON'T BLAME ME FOR BEING LATE, BLAME YOURSELF.(**)

I also think you're inconsistant. You sent me an e-mail towards the end of August, saying you wanted to meet up with me again. And, when I e-mailed you again a few days ago, you were CRUEL, SELFISH AND HEARTLESS in your response.

You tricked me. You told me you wanted to meet me again towards the end of August. You wrote in your e-mail of the 21st of August, "i hope to see you in beijing next fall" But, in fact, you didn't want to meet me and you don't want to meet me again. YOU LIED. So, I think you're inconsistant and too emotional.

You say I have a problem with friendship. I think you have a problem with friendship. I offered to pay for the taxi and you refused my help. You refuse the help of other people who want to help.

We met a few times. And, I was always nice to you, even if, IN YOUR SELFISHNESS, you're not willing to admit it. You confided your problems in me, I listened and offered my advice.

When we went to the Media Event, I told you that I couldn't go AFTER you told me to hurry up. WHICH IS INCREDIBLY RUDE. Because I was too nice to you, yes, too nice, I LIED, and said that a friend had phoned me and that I needed to go. In fact, _______, the reason I left was because you were INCREDIBLY RUDE. But, as I say, I was just too nice to you to say that.

So, ______, grow up and get a life. You don't intimidate me.

Paul Carr

(*)If we had taken the taxi, you and I would have arrived on time.
(**) Oh, and I won't forget that PATHETIC , ugly face, you made to me, as I walked away from you the last time we met.
(***)I admit I'm not perfect. Honey, dear, you're not perfect either, whatever the impression you like to leave on others. I try my best to win friends and keep them. I think, the first thing people must do is be honest with one another. And, I have tried to be honest with you. And I'm trying harder and harder at that. But, I'm only human. You think I'm a failure. I don't care what you think. I believe in myself and I believe that I am a success. You don't like my blog. I don't care what you think of my blog. I exercise my right to freedom of speech and expression. You think I'm strange and you don't understand me for writing my blog. I don't care what you think.
(****)Question, ________. Is this how you treat all your guests?

_______, you are angry, bitter and PATHETIC.

Oh, and darling, I'M NOT READING YOUR REPLY!!

************************************************************

So, to reiterate what I said before, i initially wrote a meek reply, congratulating her on getting back together with her old boyfriend, just after wacking off to her photos, I had taken of her when she had visited my apartment on two occasions efore during the summer hols. She was decently dressed but in hot, black dress and boots. I have my dominatrix fantasies you know. And, you know, she was so so bitchy in her last e-mail I READ. ;-).(**) Saying, you know, I have a problem with friendship, or words like that. Sorry, I don't have a copy of her e-mails. I think I have deleted them all. No plan to read them or show them here. But, you know. Oh, the humiliatrix!!. Just, darling, as a human being, if you have just a drop of humanity left inside you, I just think you need to grow up. Okay. [sighs]. I hope I have gotten her out of my system. Anyway, you can read all of this and come to your own conclusions. But, yeah, she was so so fucking cruel and awful!!

Okay, let's move on. Let's see what else to talk about.

Okay, I took this screen dump a week ago or so, showing that my friends list is ever dwindling. :-D.

I've decided to delete and block loads of people who have never ever chatted with me. I mean like a lot. Despite the fact, the vast majority of them, added me after seeing my ads on thatsbj or another website.. Oh,come on. You have had your chance to go online and chat to me, like months and months. The window is now closed. :-)

What else to talk about. Let's check the old photo and text files. Hmm, I think that's it. Nothing much really to report. This post only took an hour to write up... :-) [correction: well, an hour and a half and another 30 to 45 minutes to proof read]

Just to add. Bloody dentists. Oh, I will spare you that, will I? Let me just say they're fucking expensive and I already have a well paid part time job to cover me until the beginning of December and it looks like I need another one. I had this dentist (she looked as young as a high school girl, she looked like she was barely out of high school), you know, a trainee (don't know for certain, but you know, a hunch), when I first went to the dentist, a total greenstick. I guess she did an okay job on my teeth and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that the bottom left molar tooth couldn't have been saved with just a filling and, in fact, needed damn expensive root channel treatment. But, on my third visit to the dentist, she told me, you know, that as a result of a scan that was done on my second visit, she had discovered another hole in another tooth, which might require more fucking root channel treatment, she wasn't sure. But, the other dentist, who extracted my wisdom tooth that day, had a look afterwards and told me with confidence, I thought, that all it needed was a filling, not root channel treadmill. A filling... Like 400 RMB. Root channel treatment, like 4000 RMB, at least. If you use a precious metal, you talking about 5,500 RMB for one fucking tooth. Come on. You know how much I make on my regular job every fucking month? 6000 RMB. I've got no dentist coverage. Fuck all medical insurance. It's not really medical insurance anyway. 1000 RMB pay out for the whole fucking two semesters. What is that? I've already taken all of that up with my visit to the SOS hospital/ A.K.A. The Ritz of hospital establishments for treatment for my infected ear.

Okay, let's move on back to the question of my teeth. What annoys me is this. This girl, the first dentist, this girl scout, this trainee to my mind, she says to me, you know, hey, this full dentist scan, 200 RMB, shows I need more fillings and possibly more, i.e. root channel treatment. But, my question is this. Why didn't she tell me this on the first occasion I met her? Her answer. Oh, you know, I told her I didn't have much money so she didn't want to offer me this FULL DENTAL SCAN, to check conclusively that there were no more holes or decay and the like. Oh, come on. Like, still, I am entitled to have the serivce offered. So, come on. On the first day, you didn't tell me. So, you checked my teeth perfunctorily and told me categorically, no more fillings, never mind root channel treatment would be required, aside from the hole on the molar tooth which she told me initially would either need a filling or root channel treatment. So, darling, you weren't totally honest or transparent with me. And, don't blame me. Even if I am just a penniless pauper, as a dentist, you should have offered me the service (for the 200 additional price tag) for getting a FULL DENTAL SCAN, to see conclusively where I need fillings or worse. You made no such offer to me. Okay, to be fair, your English wasn't good. YOu spoke like a robot. Oh, I'll never forget what you said to that other dentist during my third visit. You said, "Zhege, Zhege, Zhege" (translation: "this one", "this one", "this one", *YOU'RE AN IDIOT*, and me, kinda stitching my eye brows, asking her several times, what she was referring to. She said there was another tooth that needed a filling, though probably not root channel treatment, and the other molar tooth that possibly needs root channel treatment. But, I distinctly, heard you say, "Zhege" ("this one") maybe 4 or 5 times. Young girl, I think you need to work more in the social skills department. (***)

Anyway, after a few days reflecting on her lack of transparency with me, earlier this week, I went to the dental practice in person (there are many dentists who work there) to ask the receptionist to have the guy who extracted my wisdom tooth do the remaining jobs for me (i.e. root channel treatment and the like). I "fired" the girl...(figuratively speaking) I said, in her defense and in politic fairness that she was a good dentist but that she wasn't transparent with me. And, the guy, he told me after he had extracted my wisdom tooth that maybe, just maybe, the molar tooth, beside my wisdom tooth will just need a filling and not root channel treatment. I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one but I'm not optimistic. I have a slight discomfort with that tooth. I touch the part of the tooth where the decay was located and it's sensitive (****). [sighs]. I think I'm heading into more boring, mind numbingly boring root channel treatment, hours in the dentist's chair, let me tell you, as well as some pain after the treatment, especially on the first day, when the nerve is killed off with the administration of some chemical. Oh, come on, no one would like that. AND THE COST. For fuck's sake!!. I don't know if I will be able to afford 2 root channel treatments, never mind one. I'll just have to settle for a non precious metal instead of a precious one. Save 1400 RMB. My fucking wallet was lost or stolen last week and lost 2900 RMB which I had earmarked for the dental expenses. Anyway, at least, now, I'm not going to have trainee. A word of advice. You're new to a dental practice. Ask for an EXPERIENCED dentist, because, if you don't, the receptionist will foist a TRAINEE, on you. I promise you. You've got to be vigilant. [sighs].

Anyway, that's that.

Paul Carr

(*) As I recall, she said it was constant....!!...
(**) Yeah, she replied to my e-mails. I presume to both the meek first one and my more bitchy second one reproduced above. I didn't read them as I told her. I deleted them..
(***) Personally, I think she gets A BIG KICK, out of seeing her patients panic. She enjoys exercising that power. IDIOT!!.
(****)Maybe a little painful.

What have I learned from this? Oh, brush my teeth twice a day from now on!! BUt, cut down on my pepsi cola drinking? Hey, that's more difficult. Since, coming to China, here's my rationalisation, I have neglected my teeth, sometimes, going a whole week, without brushing. So, now, Paul, brush, brush, brush, okay!!!!. You'll be dead before long..

To Be Blunt.

2007-10-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

We still live in an age, I think, where there is still a great deal of censorship. Okay, I accept that msn spaces isn't the best place in the world to write frankly and honestly and straightly about things. It's about showing off gizmos, not expressing controversial viewpoints or writing on the forbidden subject of sex.

You know, I have posted an ad on several China-based websites looking for a girlfriend. But you know, maybe, I too am a victim of self-censorship, of censorship and so on. Maybe, I too, should stick my head out and be honest!!!. Say it straight so that the women will understand!!. I'm sure even Chinese women will appreciate a man who is straight talking.

So, anyway, here's my original ad.

********************************

I'm a 33 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm 174 cm tall on my bare feet. I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I rent a 2 bedroom apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I'm looking for a girlfriend, not a roommate.

I've been in Beijing for 14 months now as of the 3rd of September,2007 and I love it here I'm thinking of making a new life for myself here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. We can have an intense day-to-day language exchange. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her. I'm a beginner in Chinese.

I always make a special effort to be 100 per cent honest with whoever I meet. I don't think anyone can be 100 per cent honest all the time but I do think we all ought to try to do that, to strive to be as honest as possible in our daily lives both with ourselves and with others. So, yes, I am seeking an honest woman, a good communicator.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and try to lead a stress free lifestyle.

I view life as a challenge. I want to rise to the challenge and enjoy life. No life is honky-dory. There are ups and downs and pitfalls on the way. It's a rollercoaster ride but it's not necessarily always fun.

I'm looking for a physically fit, independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded.

I keep blogs here:

http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com
http://europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com

My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
My e-mail is paulcarr1974@yahoo.ie
You can phone or text me at 13521715098.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

*******************************

Okay, let's jazz it up a bit. With some truthfulness... Edits in red.

***********************************

I'm a 33 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm 174 cm tall on my bare feet. I'm from Ireland originally.

I'm looking for a Chinese sex partner in Beijing. A fuck buddy. I want to practice sex. I don't have much experience in sexual intercourse or foreplay so I like to acquire more. I don't like one night stands. I'd like to have a longer term sexual partner. I'd like to have more meaningful sex, a more meaningful sexual experience. This would be better over a longer period of time. We can have fun together, learn from each other. Enjoy ourselves and each other. I love to dress up my partner in sexy clothes. So, you see, I'm looking for an open-minded girl.

I rent a 2 bedroom apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I'm looking for a girlfriend, or a sex partner, not a roommate.

I've been in Beijing for nearly 15 months now as of the 20th of October 2007 and I love it here I'm thinking of making a new life for myself here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. We can have an intense day-to-day language exchange. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her. I'm a beginner in Chinese.

I always make a special effort to be 100 per cent honest with whoever I meet. I don't think anyone can be 100 per cent honest all the time but I do think we all ought to try to do that, to strive to be as honest as possible in our daily lives both with ourselves and with others. So, yes, I am seeking an honest woman, a good communicator.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and try to lead a stress free lifestyle.

I view life as a challenge. I want to rise to the challenge and enjoy life. No life is honky-dory. There are ups and downs and pitfalls on the way. It's a rollercoaster ride but it's not necessarily always fun.

I'm looking for a physically fit, independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded. I'm seeking a woman who believes, like me, that happiness is like an apple on an apple tree. Just reach up and take it.

I keep blogs here:

http://paulcarr74.livedigital.com/blog
http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com
http://europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com

More Sexually explicit blogs here:

http://paulcarr.blogspot.com
http://paulcarr.livedigital.com/blog

In the above two blogs, I detail my sexual fantasies leading up to orgasm. It has been a very interesting project for me.

My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
My e-mail is paulcarr1974@yahoo.ie
You can phone or text me at 13521715098.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

********************************************

What do you think?

I accept that the lines, "I love to dress up my partner in sexy clothes. So, you see, I'm looking for an open-minded girl." may have been put in for humour's sake.

Chinadaily Message Board.

2007-10-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

I posted my ad (looking for a girlfriend) on chinadaily and, recently, a little bit of discussion was generated by it. There was one guy, a tough guy who had a sexy rock star he-man avatar, who told me that I needed to get out more, stop pounding the treadmill, meet real people and stop living on the internet. You know, to some extent, he's right!!. But, I'd like to remind you about something. I'm not a spring chicken when it comes to the internet. Indeed, I've been posting to a newsgroup, called soc.culture.irish (a usenet newsgroup?) for 3 years from 2000, I recall, to 2003. Doing the sort of thing, my critic does a lot on the chindaily board. He's got nearly 5000 posts to his name as I recall on the chinadaily message board.

Okay, I accept that the chinadaily message board isn't the best place to post a "looking for a girlfriend" ad. I can't delete the post later if I want to update it. I can't edit it. Apparently, I need more credits to do that. Some other chap gave me the link to a personals website where I can find "true?" love but, for a fee. It was like 250 RMB, as I recall, for one month gold membership. The minimum charge. But, yeah, as this chap said, you know, at least the people there are all serious, having paid the money and all so I would have better luck there. So, thank you, my dear friend. You see, on the thatsbj (thebeijinger) website, as written previously, many people merely seeking language exchange and playing girly girl games and humiliating boys, as if they were grown up women (NOT), go to the men seeking women section of the thatsbj website and take the msn messenger addresses or the phone numbers, not reading the ads. So fucking annoying!!. So, yeah, a specialist, seeking love or seeking sex, website would throw away and get rid of this nonsense (should anyway).

Anyway, I was annoyed with the sexy rock star avatar critic. I'm going to post some e-mails and posts I wrote about it in order to clarify the matter with you.

First of all, I wrote privately to the moderator, to ask him to remove the comments of MrGuitar. Here's what I wrote below.

***********************************

Dear Threebowls, Moderator of Friendship, Love, Relationships forum,

Oh, come on. Please remove the two comments of "tmphgt (Mr Guitar)" from this thread, "Looking for a Chinese Girlfriend" which I started

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/viewthread.php?gid=3&tid=579988&extra=&page=1

They are trolls. The forum is called "Friendship, Love, Relationships". There's a separate thread in the "Friendship, Love, Relationships" forum called "Let's talk about sex". It seems to me people can write about sex in that particular thread. Please remove his provocative comments from the thread I started called "Looking for a Chinese Girlfriend". He commented twice on this thread which I started. In the first comment he said that I had a sexually explicit blogspot blog linked to my blog at http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com. This is true. He described some of the content within it. He wrote that he wanted Chinese ladies to know that I liked " w*nking, ladyboys and p0rn" because I may not want to. This is a lie. I'll explain below. In any case, I think his comments are more appropriate for the "let's talk about sex" thread, not my "Looking for a Chinese girlfriend" thread.. So, I didn't reply to it. But, he wasn't satisfied and he tried to troll me again. Please please please remove his comments. He may well have commented nearly 5000 times to the chinadaily essage board but that doesn't give him the right to be abusive and aggressive and "smart" like he has.

He claims that he wants to let Chinese ladies know about my sexually explicit blog. In his first comment, he said that blogspot may be barred in China presently so that people in China can't access it. Actually, it is barred, at any rate, from my apartment in Beijing. . He writes in his first comment, that he wants Chinese ladies to know that I like "w*nking, ladyboys and p0rn". First of all, come on, there is a separate "Let's talk about sex" thread. It seems to me sexual commentary should be confined to that thread, not posted to mine. Secondly, if you go to my blog at http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com, you will see that, in addition to the link to my sexually explicit blogspot blog, there is a link to another identical blog at http://paulcarr.livedigital.com/blog where people can read my sexually explicit blog from within China. So, he's lying if he's trying to imply that I'm don't want to let Chinese ladies know about my sexually explicit blogs and so he has to *out* me so-to-speak. Gawd, give me a break. I think this guy is an idiot. Please remove these two comments. If you do not remove, at least, his latest one, then I will have no choice but to reply to his latest comment and correct his misinformation. And, personally, I don't want to do that. So, I hope you will help me out.

In his latest comment, he also writes that I am an "expert monkey spanker.". I have no idea what he's talking about. I don't recall posting any pictures of monkeys on my sexually explicit blog and I don't recall writing about sexual fantasies of spanking "monkeys" either. He's trolling. He's lying. It's obvious. Please, help a newbie out and remove both his comments from this thread. I have a lot of experience posting to message boards, forums, newsgroups and the like going back many years. I know a troll when I see one. Please help me out. I may well have posted only a few times to this particular message board but I know a troll when I see one.

Thank you in advance.

Paul Carr

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The following day, I noticed he hadn't done this. I think I gave him about 24 hours so,as I had warned the moderator, I wrote a direct reply to MrGuitar's comment. Here it is:

*********************************

I didn't reply to your first comment because this thread I started is called "Looking for a Chinese Girlfriend". I notice there is a separate thread on the "Friendship, Love,Relationships" forum called "Let's Talk about Sex". So, I assumed that a discussion on sex was offlimits for this thread. (*) Clearly, you wanted to report on my sexually explicit blog at http://paulcarr.blogspot.com . Anyway, it was nothing personal.

I didn't post links to my sexually explicit blogs at http://paulcarr.blogspot.com or http://paulcarr.livedigital.com/blog on my introduction because I felt it would be too forward to do so. ;-).

I am perfectly happy for the Chinese ladies to see and read my sexually explicit blogs. I don't think you studied my worldpaulcarr msn blog thoroughly enough. If you go to my blog at http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com , you will find a link to an identical copy of my sexually explicit blogspot blog at http://paulcarr.livedigital.com/blog . This blog is accessible in China, at least, from my apartment here in Beijing. It always has been accessible even when the blogspot blog hasn't been accessible in China.

Regarding your question, "Is Paul still a virgin?". If you mean, have I had sexual intercourse before, well, yes, I have.

Regarding your commentary on the content of my blog, you write I am an "expert monkey spanker". May I ask where did I write that on my sexually explicit blog? Are there any sexually explicit photos of monkeys? Did I write about spanking monkeys in one of my sexual fantasies? Care to refresh my memory because, frankly, I don't recall.. You write that I am a "ladyboy fancier". Mr Guitar, have you seen pictures of those Thai ladyboys? They're hot!!. You write that I am "a p0rn lover". Let me ask you a question back. Why the zero? Don't you like porn?

You write, "Any foreign man in China has to be pretty socially inadequate if they resort to Internet dating.".

Well, you're entitled to your opinion but I think you are wrong to generalise. Actually, I have dated in real life about 30 Chinese women since February since placing ads on thatsbj, chinadaily, foreignercn (since July) and craigslist (since a few days ago).(**) I think I recall one or two dates with girls who first saw an ad of mine on chinadaily so I don't think it is a waste of my time posting an ad here. I see a lot of disadvantages in going to nightclubs in Sanlitun and the like in Beijing to find a "date" or a "hook-up" or whatever you care to call it. Gawd knows, what diseases they have which they might pass onto you and, conversely, God knows, what diseases you have what you might pass onto them. I find internet dating, on the whole, works for me. I can get to know the girl a little first online (e.g. on msn messenger) and then actually meet up with them in real life later. That said, I may tire of the whole internet dating larch in the future.

You continue, "Paul, log off your blogs, quit pounding the treadmill and go oustide and meet people".

Oh, come on, you don't like blogging? Fine, but I think you're wasting your energy preaching to others what they should or should not do with their lives. (***) I've been pounding the treadmill almost every day for the past 2 months. My female teacher colleagues at the college I teach in have remarked I'm (even ;-)) more handsome than I was before. So, I think it's worth it. ;-). And, as written, I have dated about 30 Chinese women since February in real life so I am meeting people in real life and I enjoy it

You shouldn't be so prescriptive and think that your way is the best way or the only valid way. We're not all rock stars like you. By the way, in that avatar, is that you?? Wow!! What a body!! Aren't I not entitled to have a finely chiselled body like that? Pounding the treadmill for 36 minutes every day works for me and gets me closer to that ideal.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blogs. Thank you for the feedback.

Paul Carr

(*)And, second, you know, this is China. ;-). I've only been here 14 months and you know it's not easy to disabuse myself of all the western media propaganda of China being a country of wide spread human rights abuses and excessive conservatism.

(**)I've dated 4 Chinese ladies last week. I expect to date another 3 this week, maybe more.

(***) Blogging is a very liberating past-time for me. A blog is like my best friend. Sometimes, it's better to converse with a blog than with real people. It helps me get things off my chest. You don't see any common sense in that?

*******************************

The next day I noticed the comment hadn't been posted to the chinadaily message board on the thread I started, suggesting that the moderator didn't approve it, or if he did, people complained about it (yeah, you know, the chinadaily board "establishment", the "cuddle club") and it was removed before I had time to check. So, anyway, I fired off a rattled letter, a private message to the moderator, it goes as follows:

*********************************

Oh My God!! I don't believe it!!! Are you and MrGuitar drinking buddies? 2 days ago, I P.M.ed you asking you to remove MrGuitar's comments to my introduction/ad. You had no problem allowing me to post my original ad/introduction. Well, the following day, about roughly 24 hours later, I saw that you hadn't removed his comments so, as I had warned, I wrote a reply to his troll.

And, yes, that is what it is, Threebowls. A troll!! A sexually explicit, lying, misleading comment on my introduction and my blogs linking off them.

And, to add insult to injury you refuse to post my reply to MrGuitar's troll. I'm perfectly entitled to make a response to his lying troll...in order to correct his misinformation. And, I was damn polite about it too.. You had no problem posting my other 3 comments though but not my reponse to MrGuitar's troll.

So, now I make a new request to you. Please, please, please, remove the entire thread located at:

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/viewthread.php?tid=579988&fpage=1&highlight=%2Bpaulcarr

And, I hope you'll remove all the comments attached to it.

because, I have posted a more up-to-date introduction, with more detail about myself, here:

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/viewthread.php?tid=580714&fpage=1&highlight=%2Bpaulcarr

Thank you in advance.

Paul Carr

**************************

Anyway, about 2 or 3 days later, I noticed that the moderator had apparently acceded to my request and my original ad was removed along with all the comments. So, I guess, I can't complain. .

Anyway, I guess I need to use the chinadaily board and other such boards more often in future to inform myself of useful things about China.

Paul Carr

Weirdo

2007-10-19T19:19:00.001-07:00

Weirdo is still calling me.

About once a month at the moment. I already wrote about him on my http://paulcarr.blogspot.com blog. Since March, the guy has been calling me or texting me. At the beginning, we texted back and forth. I think I sent him 16 text messages or so. He started this. I think he saw my ad on thatsbj, looking for a friend or looking for a date. But, it was clear that he was wasting my time. I think he's a prankster. I'll give his mobile number at the bottom of this blog post. Before, he also called on different numbers. I listed those numbers on my http://paulcarr.blogspot.com blog..

I made it clear to him in March that he was wasting his time sending me any further text messages because I wasn't going to read them. But, he's continuing to send me text messages anyway. About 3 days ago, he rang me. I hung up. He then texted me. I deleted the text without reading it. I think he's mentally ill. Whatever. He's not going to intimidate me. If I were in Ireland, I would go to the police and report the prick to them. But, I'm in China. Chinese is not my first language and probably not the first language of a police officer and I haven't done that. He'd probably look at me funny and think it is my fault anyway or that it's not a big deal. And, to be honest, it isn't a big deal. The guy's a loser.

He used to call me or text me a lot more often. Now, it's about once a month. I think he's got a list of people on his phone book, he likes to harass. I'm one of the numbers. He's a dickhead. But, anyway. At the beginning, I took his phone calls. He was calling from different fucking numbers. He would do things, psychological warfare tactics, like flush the toilet or do orgasm noises on the phone. Perhaps, he saw my sex blogs? During our brief text message exchange, oh, I won't go into that... I just think he's a horrible little fuck and I am exercising my right to ignore the little fuck but, nonetheless, tell all you people about him...

His number: 0085291511540

Paul Carr

It's a Hong Kong phone number, I believe.

More Annoyance.

2007-10-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a e-mail below (in bold) I've just sent to another nasty person (in my estimation), I have encountered. She added me to my msn messenger list. Anyway, I don't want to give any more background to what's already on my e-mail. I'll just say that, yeah, I was tired on Wednesday night when she "chatted" with me on msn messenger. But, let me tell you, like a boxer, she really winded me. I was so fucking humiliated!!. I couldn't recover quickly from the low below-the-belt punch.

You know, what really annoys me is that there are these girls, who read my ad, found in sections such as "man seeking women" and, guess what, they don't read the ad!!. They just harvest the msn messenger addresses and then ad you. In the past, I have had idiots then, asking me questions like "Why are you on my msn list?". Like, you added me honey!!. I find them so fucking aggressive!! As well as dishonest. They're unbelievable how fucking aggressive they are. Oh, so fucking horrible!!.

Okay, let's cut to the chase, shall we, and here is a copy of the e-mail I just sent to the next horrible bitch!!.

Title: "Hi. This is Paul Carr. I think you're HORRIBLE..."

I'm just writing to let you know that I think you're HORRIBLE.

My name is Paul Carr. I think you saw my ad on thatsbj (thebeijinger website). My ad was located in the "boy seeking girl" category. In other words, I'm not looking for a language partner. I'm looking for a girlfriend.

I think you, like many other Chinese people, who visit these classified adds, DON'T read the ads themselves but take the msn messenger addresses and then add them to your msn messenger.(*)

I chatted with you twice last week. In our first chat,(**) you asked me questions, the answers of which, you would have known if you had read my introduction/my ad. BUt, you didn't. Then, one or two days later, you chat with me again, asking me for my photo. 1) if you had read my ad, you would have seen two photos of me I recall and 2) if you had visited my blogs (the links of which were on my ad), you would have found many more photos of me. But, because you're not interested in being my boyfriend and never will be interested, just an (online probably) language partner, you didn't read my ad because you're not interested in me.

In hindsight, stupidly, I gave you the link (again) to my blogs. The links you should have known about already if you had read my ad with any seriousness and care. I then asked you for your photo. On my ad, if you had read it carefully, you would have realised that I would have appreciated a photo.

So, you start to send me your photo via msn messenger. I saw your little photo on the msn messenger. It was about 1 megabyte in size. I must say you were very attractive in the little photo with a sexy, tall and shapely body. Anyway, the photo was being sent to me quite quickly considering its size

All you had to do was wait a minute and I would have received it. But, no, you couldn't wait. So, illogically, within 15 seconds of sending it to me, you warn me, "Oh I have to go" or words like that. THen, cut off the photo being sent to me. You then go offline.

I want to tell you this. I think you're very SELFISH. I think you're very aggressive. I think you hate all men. I think you're a man hater. I was so so nice to you and in return to treat me with contempt. You know, I was so so angry with you afterwards, maddened with rage. You tricked me. You're like a child. Grow up. Stop playing your childish games!!. Stop hating me and all other men and come back to the real world. You really humiliated me.

Anyway, I've barred you now on msn messenger. I've even deleted the conversation history I had with you on msn messenger.

Get a life,

Goodbye,

Paul Carr

You also gave me no explanation as to why you had to leave so quickly. Anyway, I'll fight your fury with my fury. I'll fight your prejudice with my ....ah...something...

Stop going to the "men looking for women" category of thebeijinger website and adding people, not reading their ads, just assuming we're looking for language exchange partners. Show some respect. Be honest instead in future.

(*). You're just looking for language partners. But, if you had taken the care and attention of reading my ad, you would have realized that I was looking for a girlfriend.

(**) I believe you started both chats on msn. Gawd, you were so AGGRESSIVE. Asking me questions, you should already know the answer to if you had read my introduction. And, even, on the second occasion we chatted, you continued to ask me for a fucking photo which if you had read my ad, you would have got and if you had gone to my blog, you would have found plenty of. Get a life and stop being so selfish and aggressive, man-hater, man-eater.

And, you're DISHONEST.

Oh, oh, god, she was horrible!!!. Oh....

Advice to Foreigners: Don't get sick in China.

2007-10-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I have had an enjoyable October holiday. But, this month, I'm going to spend too much on hospitals. You know, 2 months ago, I bought a treadmill for my apartment and I've been using it every day and I think I've lost a lot of weight. Despite this, last week, an ear infection flared up.(*) The outcome of it was that more wax than ever was produced and my ear channel was almost blocked up. This Wednesday, I panicked and went to a nearby SOS hospital for treatment. Oh my God!! 10 minutes with the doctor (not a specialist doctor, she was a G.P. - General Practitioner) (it was the evening) and she prescribed me some stronger ear drops than what I got in a nearby Chinese pharmacy. And, the cost 1200RMB.(for the ear drops and consultancy together)

I think they should rename the SOS hospital, the "SOS Hospital for millionaires" and it's not over either. She told me that, if the wax doesn't come out, I can come back to the SOS hospital this Sunday and a specialist ear, nose and throat doctor can wash my ears out, i.e. irrigate them. Afterwards, I asked how much that would cost. I was tentatively told - 1000 RMB. I wish.

Their website:

http://www.internationalsos.com .

So, this is the cost of panic in Beijing. You see, earlier this week, I was worried that my ear drum was perforated. I couldn't hear clearly outside of my left ear. My ear was sore on Monday. On Tuesday, I was too lazy to go to the chemist to get some medicine. On Wednesday, I went to the chemist, got a container of very cheap ear drops (for 1 RMB) and some tablets for the sore ear (about 22 RMB as I recall). Used the ear drops for a while but I was edgy now and so, that evening, I went to the nearby SOS hospital. For the huge price, I guess, at least, I got peace of mind. She looked into my ear channel and found that my ear channel was nearly completely blocked (95% of the channel) with apparently thick wax and that she couldn't get around it to see the condition of my ear drum. She explained that my recent ear infection caused an excessive production of ear wax which has now blocked (almost) my ear. She prescribed me some stronger ear wax solution (which according to the label of the bottle, I should only use twice). She told me, if the problem wasn't solved (the wax is quite thick) if all the wax wasn't removed, then go back to the SOS hospital to have a specialist remove the wax by means of irrigation.

The SOS hospital - daylight robbery!! Next week, I'll go to my Foreign Relations Officer for my job at the college I work in and ask her if I can get a full or partial refund for this insanity. You know I have medical insurance. I'll see next week if it's any good or if I have been suckered once again with phoney insurance.

To be honest, I'm very frustrated about this. I'm trying to get in better shape (using the treadmill) and, to some extent, I have had success there but, still, I have had a list of ailments which I didn't seem to have before I started to exercise more and lose weight to get my weight down towards average weight for a human being of my height. For example, Diarrhea, sore stomach and, then last week, so frustratingly and unexpectedly, a blocked up ear channel (can it get any worse?) Maybe a perforated ear drum as well? I'll find out tomorrow at the SOS hospital Oh, so foreboding. Also, my wisdom tooth at the bottom left of my mouth has been acting up. Yesterday, the dentist told me there was inflammation of the gum there. I'm going to talk more about that below.

You know, I don't want to give you the impression this blog is all negative. There are positive things too. For example, the orthotic insoles for my shoes have (finally!!) resulted in my left ankle problem to be almost resolved. The heat I felt in my left ankle for years and years (many years maybe 8 years or more) has gone!! You know, it's like a miracle and I'm very very happy about it. Really!!. Initially, the special orthotic insoles for my feet didn't do the trick. They lifted my instep like normal feet and probably got rid of my occasional back problem but, only after the orthotic insole specialist put in a special wedge to adjust my left foot which was turning in on itself, making me slightly knock kneed and putting a terrible strain, I know now, on my left ankle, did the pain in my left ankle begin to go away. Yeah, there was a lot of strain on my left leg (**) for the initial 2 weeks after I last saw my Orthotic insole specialist but, I think, that's nearly gone now. My posture is adjusting. I'm walking straighter and, as written before, it has occurred to me, that getting the surgery in Hong Kong this February, may well have been a complete waste of time. But, anyway. But,again, the shocking prices. I've been persuaded by my orthotic insole specialist to get two extra pairs of special insoles for my feet. That's going to cost me 3,100 RMB or so. Oh my God! Second pair is half price though. And, I get a 300 RMB discount because I was referred from the SOS hospital.(***) The Orthotic insole specialist told me that the insoles normally last in good condition about 1 year. HeHe. Anyway, I think it is a good idea to get 2 extra pairs because the first pair I already have I use a lot and extensively including when running on my treadmill every evening. They take a good pounding. So, my plan is to use my old pair to continue to do the running on the treadmill and use the 2 spares over the next two years for doing everything else outside. I think it's a solid plan but, so so expensive.

I was hoping I might be able to afford a holiday during the Spring Festival but, now, I don't think so. [sighs].(****) I think it was some Japanese politician back in the 1960s who said, "I think things will only get worse before they will get better" referring to the Japanese economic miracle at the time. I feel the same way. The money I am spending on orthotic insoles, on my ear (which hopefully is just a case of ear wax), and on a wisdom tooth removal and root channel treatment for a molar tooth is shocking!! But,I want to let you know. I want to be a better person. And, this is why I am spending this amount of money and digging deep, deep, deep, too deep, into my credit card. [sighs]. I guess I need to get a part-time job.

But, you know, I find this frustrating because, you know, as soon as I had bloody solved (I think) the left ankle problem, the heat problem there, as soon as I solved that, here rolls in a new problem, namely an ear infection which I initially thought to possibly be a perforated ear drum.(*****) My mum complained to me before about this and, well, I'd rather not have one too. Why am I worried? I guess because I have this nasty habit of sticking hard objects like pens and so on into my ear channel. Paul, stop that!!! Never ever put anything into the ear channel!!.

I don't want to resign myself to poetic justice. I guess I'm a god fearing person. I feel and felt that I deserved pain, I deserved to have two darkened teeth at the front of my mouth, ruining my smile, I deserved to have a perforated ear drum, giving a permanent fullness in my ear cavity?, I deserved to have the sore, painful, hot left ankle, I deserved to have the sore wisdom tooth and last night, the toothache in my left bottom molar after the dentist had already started her treatment yesterday. But, you know, maybe I should dare, maybe I should dare to say, "no, I don't deserve it", I deserve to be healthy and happy . I'm a good man!!

Okay, let's move onto the dentist. And, here the costs are even worse!!.

Yesterday, I went to the dentist. Oh, on her name card, she wrote she was a prosthodontist which, according to wikipedia, is someone who "specializes in prosthodontics, the specialty of implant, esthetic and reconstructive dentistry. Prosthodontists specialize in the restoration of oral function by creating prostheses and restorations (i.e. complete dentures, crowns, implant retained/supported restorations). Cosmetic dentistry, implants and joint problems all fall under the field of prosthodontics.".

Oh, I am so so angry with this "Dentist". I've been in Beijing 14 months. I don't really speak Chinese. Her English wasn't good. [sighs]. It was a fucking disaster. I think perhaps she was more interested in restoring my molar tooth than giving me another filling.(******) Another filling would have cost me just 400 RMB. But, root channel treatment will cost me about 5,000 RMB. As well, as yanking more money from me with root channel treatment, she can practice her specialist profession of "prosthodontics". Good grief!! Fucking unlucky again!!. She was fucking drilling and drilling and drilling and she wouldn't fucking stop until I was in pain and she had drilled through to the pulp inside the tooth, still alive. Before she did the drill, there was an x-ray done and I admit the hole was kinda big and she said she may only need to do a fucking filling and subsequent filling. I should have told her there and then, you know, I can't afford root channel treatment. I'm a poor foreigner. But, I think many of these Chinese professionals see you're a foreigner, and assume you have the maximum amount of cash which they can strip from you. She was young and I think inexperienced.

Oh this was funny. I went with this Chinese friend to the dentist. Her English was worse than the dentist's. So, the dentist would say to me, "You may need root channel treatment." . She then talk to my friend in Chinese and my Chinese friend, in an apparant bid to help me further would say, "Root channel need you". or something like that. Good Grief!!. And, now, after my initial meeting with this dentist yesterday, I still have tooth ache in this molar tooth which I didn't have yesterday. God, I think the whole fucking thing was a disaster and I'm thinking, she was laughing and chackling as I left the dentist's surgery. She was thinking, "We caught another clueless foreigner sucker and yanked him of all the money he's got!". Foreigners are easily exploited I think in China. They don't know the language at the beginning, not au fait with the laws and how those laws can protect them if they knew about them. I've got to join and participate more in forums on the internet and learn more about my rights and responsibilities in China. A friend on msn told me she got root channel treatment on 2 teeth. Cost her just 600 RMB for each. That was 4 years ago. She's Chinese. Me, I will pay so much more. Almost 10 times that for one tooth. What the fuck is this? Same when I went to the SOS hospital earlier this week, after I was presented with the bill, matter-of-factly, from the secretary at the reception, I paid up and left, I saw the G.P. I had been briefly talking to, and I couldn't bear to look at her and to say, "Oh, thank you!" and nod to her positively. Thank you for what? For ripping me off. Oh, during my 10 minutes "consultation" with this G.P., she also took my blood pressure and my temperature. And, guess what, they were normal!!. Is this all part of the procedure of ripping people off?

Okay, back to the dentist, regarding the wisdom tooth removal, she applied some gel to get rid of the swelling, gum swelling around the wisdom tooth (has been causing me some grief) and, anyway, I have made an appointment to see her again in two weeks time. She told me, (she's alarming this girl), that if the swelling doesn't go down in two weeks time, I can go to the hospital for a "drop". Which, from what they told me in their not so good english, means lying on a bed for 2 hours, attached to a drip. And, what I want to fucking know is, what the fuck is a drip, an injection in my arm got to do with gum swelling around my wisdom tooth>? Really? It will get rid of the gum swelling in two hours? (*******) Anyway, later, she told me it was unlikely that it will come to that. Anyway, the gum sweling and infection needs to go down so that she can easily remove the useless wisdom tooth which has barely broken through the surface of my gum. I want it out, out, out. Good riddance to it. The last time I went to a dentist in Ireland, he told me it didn't need to come out but I should have told him then to take it out. Now I want it out. Taking it out will cost me 1000 RMB.

So, my medical costs are just going up, up, up. There's no end to it. Between, the dentist's fees (by the end of it maybe 6500 RMB plus), the ear wax episode (about 2200 RMB plus), the orthotic insoles (about 3200 RMB plus), I'm paying about 12000 RMB. Fucking robbery!!. What extra costs are they going to fucking hit me with? For fuck's sake? Do they think I'm a big fat westerner with lots of money?

That dentist was young. But, I had no choice. I'm in China and I have to go with the flow, whether that flow sends me in the direction of misfortune or not. [sighs]. For fuck's sake.

In fairness to the dentist, she told me that since I was feeling sensitivity in my tooth when she applied a shot of air before the drilling, this probably indicated that germs had made their way into the tooth, into the pulp and it was too late then to save the tooth. I would have to be treated. And, as she said, you know, the molar, unlike the wisdom tooth, is a useful tooth in my daily life for crunching and grinding and the like. And, after she drilled, and I kinda, you know, went "owww" and screamed. She and her assistant went "Calm down", and "Take it easy". Hey, like, I'm in physical pain here. What do you want me to do? Just sit there and smile while you continue to drill? She had wanted me just to lift my left arm when I felt pain or sensitivity. Anyway, after I screamed, she said, she hadn't even finished the drilling, there was some "decay" left (she couldn't even pronounce the word correctly). How many foreign native english speaker patients has she had before I wonder. Maybe none.. I just hope now, she has got rid of all the decay. But, with root channal treatment, the tooth is going to be "killed" anyway. The nerves inside will be killed off and removed so I figure it mighten't matter that much. Anyway, she finished, as I recall, by scrapping away. Then, she told me the bad news. i.e. filling not good enough, need root channel treatment and crowning after that. See my definition of prosthodontics above (her specialist field) which also includes crowns for teeth). I've been suckered yesterday, suckered like a pig. I should have gone to the SOS hospital with its frightful prices.(********) Might have got a morally focussed dentist instead who wouldn't try to yank as much money as possible from me but, you know, would just have given me the filling and a reasonable bill. This hole I had in my molar tooth was the result of part of a previous filling being chipped off. Just more of my misfortunate.

But, you know, I accept that since coming to China, I have neglected my teeth and now, I can tell you, I can give you the undertaking that, in future, I promise to brush my teeth twice a day, rather than the 3 times a week maximum I have been managing so far.(*********). And, I think with this wisdom tooth removal, the infection of that gum area around my old wisdom tooth will go permanently away and my breath will be fresher allowing me to kiss beautiful girls without repercussions.

Anyway, I have two further appointments with this dentist this month I think. So, I'll go ahead with it. Pay the fucking rip off prices. There's nothing I can do now. And, hopefully, with looking after my teeth, I'll be a happy man. I've been deterred from brushing my teeth in recent weeks because of the wisdom tooth problem and the hole in the molar tooth which seemed only to become aggravated when I brushed my teeth. So, anyway, the germs are in there, into the pulp, and there's nothing I can do now.(**********) Just live with it. Root channel therapy with crowning. She told me the crowns will be white. I hope she keeps that promise. But, let me tell you, in the past, when I was young young, can't remember exactly when, I had unscrupulous dentists (or maybe one dentist) before who performed root channel therapy on two of my front teeth (affecting my smile in other words), killing two teeth, and over a short time, the teeth blackened and greyened, not like, smoker's yellow, I don't smoke, I mean, the teeth were dead and the colour faded to a greyish colour. About two years ago in Dublin, I went to a dentist to lighten up the colour. It worked a little bit. Very expensive. Again, an alternative are crowns. Can I find a dentist I can trust in China to do it? HeHe (************)

Anyway, that's that. WHat a fucking week.. I'll talk about girls in a later post.

Paul Carr

(*) Yeah, another resolution I have made. After exercising, I'm going to take some vitamin C tablets to guard me against further ear infections (and other infections) in the future. Also, some other tablets, like iron and roughage tablets and the like. I'll enquire further.

(**) I mean specifically the muscles on the inside of my left leg. I think this is a very good sign!! This muscles have been unpracticed by me for years and years and now I'm practicing using them as I walk straighter with my left leg. So, in the future, if I weren't wearing my orthotic insoles, perhaps my leg would be strong enough to prevent my left foot turning in on itself again anyway. We'll see but I'm very happy about this.

(***) Normal price of a pair of orthotic insoles (sports insoles) are 2400 RMB. Orthotic insoles for formal shoes, leather shoes, are even more expensive - 2800 RMB.

(****) Because I have so much bloody debt now. Medical bills will push me to the limits of my credit card limit. It's a crisis.

(*****) Here's the problem in a nutshell. I have this full feeling in my left ear. Last week, I thought it was a perforated ear drum. Being a God fearing person, I thought that the Good Lord above was exacting retribution upon me. This is why I love China so much. They're, by and large, neither Christian, Muslim or Jewish. In China, people have a Confucian moral code to guide their behaviour and help them to make right choices. In the West, many, and I fear, more and more, believe in a vengeful God, who will punish you if you do wrong and punish you for the rest of you life. What I'm trying to say to you is that, for years, I didn't try to be a better person, a healthier person because I felt I deserved my miserable pitiful state. I had wronged the powers above. I feel Christianity, particularly Christian fundamentalism, preaches resignation, not empowerment. It preaches that you are little and you can be punished and you must accept your limited lot. China, by and large, is free of this mindset. Maybe, India too. Anyway, back to my ear drum, I had this full feeling in my ear drum and before I went to the doctor, I feared that my ear drum was perforated. Now, it may well be perforated. But, the doctor who looked into my ear channel said that the ear channel was 95% blocked. She drew a diagram to illustrate what she saw. So, I am hopeful that this is what is accounting for this "full" feeling.

(******) The original filling had chipped off, leaving some of the cavity exposed. And, I told her that it was only about a week I was feeling a little pain. I think it was that recent when part of the filling chipped off but I could be wrong. It may be that I just started to get the sensitivity about a week ago as the decay finally reached the pulp inside my tooth. Dunno. Just speculating.

(*******) Apparently, these "drops" are very popular in China. My Chinese friend I went to the dentist with yesterday told me that when she had the flu, she went to the hospital for a "drop", lay in bed for an hour, attached to a drip. Just for a flu!!. I think the common manner of treatment in the West is different to China. Interesting.

(********) The SOS hospital has a dental practice. Costs 500 RMB for registration and check up. Whereas the dental practice I went yesterday, cost only 100 RMB. But, I figure now that that 500 RMB is insurance for me and allows the dentist in SOS hospital to make a moral decision about what is right for the patient, i.e. maybe in my case, just another filling, rather than root channel treatment and crowning. But, if the registration fee is just 100RMB, the dentist has more incentive to, you know, yank all the money he/she can from you.

(*********) Actually, it could have been worse than that in recent months. Once a week maybe?

(**********) She also said the pulp had swollen up somewhat and was clearly infected.

(***********) Despite everything, it might be cheaper to get crowns in China than in Ireland. I'm forever an opportunist. Wink